Author: Greg

On her first day at the retirement home the new manager addressed all the seniors highlighting her most important rule: “The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males and, likewise, the male dormitory will be out-of-bounds to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.”

She continued. “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60 and, if you’re caught a third time it will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?”

At this point, an older lady named Kathy stood up in the crowd and inquired “How much is it for a season ticket?”

Continue reading “7 December 2025 – Amusements”

The Black Bra

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I, the third one, have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here’s how it all went.

My engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos, and a mask. He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams…! love you!’ Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress: ‘Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we made wild love all night.

Then I had to share my story: ‘When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said, “What’s for dinner, Zorro?”

Continue reading “30 November 2025 – Amusements”

Not sure if these are real but it wouldn’t surprise me. The comments are not mine.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (And that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (And that would be how???….)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestion: Defrost.”(But, it’s “just” a suggestion).
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): “Do not turn upside down.”(Well… .Duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.”(… And you thought????…)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.”(But wouldn’t this save me more time?)
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (And… I’m taking this because???….)
On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.”(As opposed to… what?)
On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use.”(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts.” (Talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” (Step 3: maybe, uh… fly Delta?)
On a child’s superman costume: “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.” (… Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Continue reading “23 November 2025 – Amusements”

40 YEARS OF MARRIAGE

A married couple in their EARLY 60’s were celebrating their 40th Wedding Anniversary in a quiet and romantic restaurant. Suddenly a tiny, yet beautiful, fairy appeared on their table. She said, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.”

The wife answered, “Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.”

The fairy waved her magic wand and – POOF – two tickets for the Queen Mary I! appeared in her hands. The fairy turned to the husband and asked him what he would like for his wish. The husband thought for a minute, “Well, this is all romantic, but this type of opportunity may never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.”

The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and – POOF – the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female AND females stick together.

Continue reading “16 November 2025 – Amusements”

We’ve had these before, I think, but I am running out of material! Send help!

This is postively absurd but it made me smile.

The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. “I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I’ve seen it on T.V.”

He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin.

The lion’s team received. They were able to get two first downs and then had to punt. The mule punted and the rhino was back deep for the kick. He caught the ball, lowered his head and charged. First, he crushed a roadrunner, then two rabbits. He gored a wildebeest, knocked over two cows, and broke through to daylight, scoring six.

Unfortunately, they lacked a place-kicker, and the score remained 6 – 0.

Late in the first half the lion’s team scored a touchdown and the mule kicked the extra point. The lion’s team led at halftime 7 – 6. In the locker room, the lion gave a pep talk. “Look you guys. We can win this game. We’ve got the lead and they only have one real threat. We’ve got to keep the ball away from the rhino, he’s a killer. Mule, when you kick off be sure to keep it away from the rhino.”

The second half began. Just as the mule was about to kick off, the rhino’s team changed formation and the ball went directly to the rhino. Once again, the rhino lowered his head and was off running. First, he stomped two gazelles. He skewered a zebra, and bulldozed an elephant out of the way. It looked like he was home free. Suddenly at the twenty-yard line, he dropped over dead. There were no other animals in sight anywhere near him. The lion went over to see what had happened. Right next to the dead rhino he saw a small centipede.

“Did you do this?” he asked the centipede.

“Yeah, I did.” the centipede replied.

The lion retorted, “Where were you during the first half?”

“I was putting on my shoes.”

Continue reading “9 November 2025 – Amusements”