A man walks into a bar with his dog and puts the dog on a barstool. The bartender asks the man what he wants to drink.
“I’ll have a bourbon and Coke.”
The man then turns to his dog and asks, “What are you going to have, Rover?”
“I’ll have a Scotch and soda–light on the soda,” says Rover.
The bartender is sceptical about the dog talking. “Come on,” he says, “that dog can’t talk — you’re a ventriloquist!”
“No, Rover can really talk. While I am in the restroom, you can have a conversation with him yourself, but don’t let him out of your sight. He is a very valuable dog.”
The man goes to the restroom. When he returns, the dog is gone.
“Hey, where’s my dog? I told you not to let him out of your sight.”
“Aw, I didn’t believe that Rover could talk, so I gave him a quarter and sent him to the drug store to buy me a paper.”
“Let’s go look for him,” said the man.
The two went to the drugstore. No Rover. They walked up and down nearby alleys and streets, but still no dog. Finally, they find Rover in the park romancing another dog.
Pointing his finger at Rover, the man says, “How come you are doing this? You have never done this before!”
“It’s the first time I ever had any money.”
One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidence of the most amazing marksmanship. On trees, on walls, and on fences there were numerous bull’s-eyes with the bullet hole in dead center. The FBI man asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the person responsible for this incredible accuracy.
They were introduced and the FBI man quickly realized that man was the village idiot.
“This is the best marksmanship I have ever seen,” said the FBI man. “How in the world do you do it?”
“Nothing to it,” said the idiot. “I shoot first and draw the circles afterward.”
A newspaper editor received this note from a reader:
“My wife was about to file for a divorce when she read the article in your paper about the importance of giving second chances in making a marriage work. So she changed her mind about the divorce. Effective today, cancel my subscription to your paper.”