One night in Paris, an American tourist dropped into a sidewalk cafe late one night and, after a couple of drinks, realized he was the last person in the bar except for a chap sleeping at one of the tables.
The man called the proprietor over and asked for his bill. “Would monsieur care for another drink?” asked the Frenchman.
“No thanks, I imagine you want to close up. Why don’t you send that other fellow home?”
“Well, I should, but each time I wake him up he asks for the bill and pays it again.”
John received a free ticket to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately, his seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the stadium.
He noticed an empty seat 10 rows up from the 50-yard line and decided to make his way there. As he sits down he asks the man next to him if anyone is sitting there.
The man told him no, it was empty.
John is very excited to have a seat like this at a Super Bowl and asks why in the world no one is using it?
The man replied that it was his wife’s seat but she recently passed away. He said this was the first Super Bowl that they had not attended together since they were married in 1968.
John said that it was really sad and asked if he couldn’t find someone, a relative or a close friend to take the seat?
“No” replied the man, “They’re all at her funeral!”
Two guys in a bar are talking about their wives.
“My wife is mad at me again,” says the first.
“Why?”
“I was totally bombed at the bar across the street last night and she
came looking for me.”
“What’d you do?”
“I asked her for her phone number.”