Greg – Page 21 – The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

25 August 2024 – Amusements

When her husband passed away, the wife put the usual death notice in the newspaper, but added that he had died of gonorrhoea.

Once the daily newspapers had been delivered, a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, “You know very well that he died of diarrhoea, not gonorrhoea.”

Replied the widow, “Yes, I know that he died of diarrhoea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big turd that he really was.”

18 August 2024

It’s been a fairly OK sort of week, at least weather-wise. The temperatures have been a bit less SCORCIO (low to mid 70s) with largely blue skies and some lovely sunshine. Some days have been bordering on perfect.

18 August 2024 – Amusements

Each morning Jake would drive down Sunset Blvd. on his way to work. For the past year a pretty hooker standing on the corner of Sunset gave him the eye as he passed. Of late, she took to showing him parts of what he would get if he stopped to pick her up. Jake was a good husband and family man and didn’t want to cheat on his wife. However, lately the hooker was looking so tempting, he could not get her out of his mind.

After spending many sleepless nights, he went to consult a psychiatrist. He told the psychiatrist she was driving him crazy, he was married 25 years, and did not want to cheat on his wife.

“What should I do?” asked Jake.

The psychiatrist said, “Take Melrose Avenue.”

11 August 2024

It’s been an “OK” sort of week – decent enough weather-wise and a couple of excellent adventures. As we “speak,” the weather people are suggesting that today will be SCORCIO – temperatures reaching 27C (about 80F) with 150% humidity. It’s gonna be a hot one!

11 August 2024 – Amusements

A woman walked into my aunt’s animal shelter wanting to have her cat and six kittens spayed and neutered. “Is the mother friendly?” my aunt asked.

“Very,” said the woman, casting an eye on the pet carriers. “That’s how we got into this mess in the first place.”

4 August 2024

It’s been a good week, on occasion almost bordering on SCORCIO! Highs in the mid to high 20s (high 70s to mid 80s F) – lovely. Too hot for some but just about right for me. Mind you, mowing the lawns in the blast furnace was a bit much – I would be happier watching someone else mow the lawns while I recline in the hammock with a modest-to-large Pimms in hand.

4 August 2024 – Amusements

Peter was telling a friend that he had just lost his job.

“Why did the foreman fire you?” the friend asked in surprise.

“Oh,” Peter said, “you know how foreman are. They stand around with their hands in their pockets watching everybody else work.”

“We all know that,” replied his friend. “But why did he let you go?”

“Jealousy,” answered Pete. “All the other workers thought I was the foreman.”

28 July 2024

A very nice week with some decent weather for a change. Yes, although it’s hard to believe, we’ve had some days this week which could almost be considered summer-like. Temperatures “soaring” into the low 20s (high 60s to low 70s), a generally gentle breeze with mainly sunny skies with the occasional fluffy cloud. After the rain and cold weather we’ve been enduring all year (it seems), it’s made a pleasant change.

28 July 2024 – Amusements

An attorney I know once drafted wills for an elderly husband and wife who had been somewhat apprehensive about discussing death. When they arrived to sign the documents, he ushered the couple into his office.

“Now,” he said to them, “which one of you wants to go first?”

21 July 2024

Back again from a great few days in the campervan near Ross on Rye. Sorry to have missed you last weekend. It’s a very lovely area which we’d not really explored before. So, part of this trip was just to poke around but also to see how a cranky old man in our party would cope with the “demands” of a camping expedition. Thankfully, we all passed with flying colours.