Greg – Page 22 – The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

21 July 2024 – Amusements

A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like hillbillies. The game warden ordered the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license.

The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed it’s butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from West Virginia. This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentucky hunting license, boy?” The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting lcense.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed it’s butt, and said, “This ain’t no Kentucky duck. This duck’s from Tennessee. You got a Tennessee licence?”

The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Tennessee license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck. “This duck’s from Virginia. You got a Virginia hunting license?”

Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly, “Just where the hell are you from?”

The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, “You tell me, you’re the expert!”

7 July 2024

Well, what a week it’s been. We had a great time last weekend with our friends on the south coast, we enjoyed a Circus on a Stage with Annabelle and Jessie, the Moreton Pinkney Big Breakfast ensured that I would not go hungry and, undoubtedly most importantly, the UK electorate finally turfed out the Tories after fourteen years of wanton destruction, from Brexit to the NHS to education to foul-smelling, shit-infused rivers and beaches to the highest level of taxation in seventy years and the poorest level of public services I’ve ever seen. You could not make up just how bad they were. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

7 July 2024 – Amusements

I was dining in our Georgia town, when a tourist stopped by my table. “Excuse me,” he said. “My wife loves your sandals. Did you buy them somewhere locally?”

”Yes, just down the street,” I said.

“May I ask how much they cost?”

“They were $77.”

“Thank you.” He then hollered to his wife, “Honey, she got them in Florida!”

30 June 2024

And, we’re off (again) – another weekend away – not sure I can keep this up! This weekend we are off to visit with friends near Brighton with an outing (yesterday) to see The Caretaker at Chichester Theatre. As a consequence, this edition of the MPP may be a bit sparse and (perhaps) to the point? Probably not.

30 June 2024 – Amusements

Two guys talking in a bar: “I can’t break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning.”

“What is she doing ’til 5 a.m.?” the pal asked.

“Waiting for me to get home.”

One Pan Tuscan Salmon

This incredibly easy but insanely delicious one pan salmon dish is a midweek winner. Ready in under 20 minutes, it’s creamy but has a light freshness that I think you all will love. It’s hearty enough with the butterbeans but feel free to pair with rice or grain of your choice.

You will need to serve 2

2 salmon fillets
1 tin butterbeans
Fresh basil
200g cherry tomatoes
8 sun dried tomatoes, drained from oil and chopped
1 shallot
2 cloves garlic
Few handfuls of spinach
2 tbsp half fat crème fraiche
Smoked paprika
Chicken stock cube
1 lemon
Parmesan

Season the salmon fillets with salt and pepper. Sear in a hot pan on all sides until coloured. Remove and set to one side.
In the same pan, sweat the shallot and garlic with a pinch of salt. Mix in the whole cherry tomatoes, sun dried tomatoes, 1/2 tsp smoked paprika and chopped basil stems.
Sauté for a few minutes, then add in a stock cube and 200ml water. Bring to a gentle simmer, tip in the butterbeans and leave for 10 minutes.
Turn the heat right down, add in 2 tbsp crème fraiche, the zest of a lemon, 15g grated Parmesan and a crack of black pepper. Stir then mix in the spinach and some chopped basil. Allow to wilt.
Place the salmon fillets into the dish and allow to warm through until they are cooked.
Serve with extra basil sprinkled over the top and grating of parmesan.

One Pan Tuscan Salmon – PDF

23 June 2024

Great week (weather-wise, at least). Summer seems to have arrived at last – some really nice, sunny days with a gentle breeze and significantly improved temperatures. I’ve turned the central heating off (again) and, hopefully, it will stay “off” for more than a few days this time.

All the fixings for a splendid cup of coffee in the sun

23 June 2024 – Amusements

An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End. On their way to Kakadu he was describing the abilities of the Australian Aborigine to track man or beast over land, through the air or beneath the sea. The Americans were incredulous.

Then later in the day, the tour rounded a bend on the highway and discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an Aborigine. He had one ear pressed to the white line whilst his left leg was held high in the air. The tour stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostrate Aborigine.

“Jacky,” said the tour guide, “what are you tracking and what are you listening for?”

The aborigine replied, “Down the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant Ute. It’s red. The left front tire is bald. The front end is out of whack and it has dents in every panel. There are 9 fellas in the back, all drinking warm beer. There are 3 kangaroos on the roof rack and 6 dogs on the front seat.”

The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge.

“Wow, man! How do you know all that?” asked one American.

The Aborigine replied, “I fell out of the thing about half an hour ago.”

16 June 2024

It’s been a great(ish) week. We’ve just about recovered from the exertions of preparing for the Summer Garden Competition. Sadly, ever since, it seems the weather has conspired to keep us from enjoying our wonderfully manicured garden – just a spot more rain just in case we think we’ve not had enough.

16 June 2024 – Amusements

A woman is in her ninth month of pregnancy and feeling very uncomfortable. On top of everything, her pleas for sympathy seemed to go unnoticed by her husband.

One day she told him, “I hope in your next life you get to be pregnant!”

He replied, “I hope in your next life you get to be married to someone who’s pregnant!”