Greg – Page 29 – The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

12 November 2023

We’ve had some really lovely days this week – bright sunny, blue skies with clouds wisping by in the stiff breeze. Rain today, though. Oh well.

12 November 2023 – Amusements

A man returns in the morning to a bar in which he’d spent the previous night. “Is it true that I drank $100 worth of booze here last night?” he asks.

“You did in fact drink $100 worth of alcohol here last night,” the bartender assures him.

“Thank God,” the man says, greatly relieved. “I was afraid I’d lost that money.”

Well, if it’s not Storm Babet, it must be Storm Ciarán – I suppose we did have a day or two in between. Lots of rain, strong winds and very, very wet but once again we escaped the brunt of the storm. There is an awful lot of water though – for those of you who know the little stream at the bottom of Brook Street, it is usually a trickle but on Thursday morning it was up over the footbridge, I am informed by Ms Playchute. So, while we are fine apart from the wet and muddy dog who stinks up the house, you have to pity those poor folks who just about dried out from Babet and then now have been clobbered by Ciarán.

5 November 2023 – Amusements

A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town’s grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this ‘miracle doctor’ to prove that he wasn’t anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, “Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can’t taste nothing, so what are you going to do?”

The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, “What you need is jar number 43.”

Jar number 43, Mr. Smith wonders? So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, “This is gross!” he yells.

“I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith,” says the doctor.

So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, “Doc,” he starts, “I can’t remember!”

Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, “What you need is jar number 43…”

Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office.

29 October 2023

This is the best weekend of the year! Our clocks went back to “normal” last night and we’ve finally recovered that hour which was stolen from us in the Spring. Lovely.

29 October 2023 – Amusements

After a hard day of drilling, the drill sergeant let the troops go. “All right, you idiots, report to the mess hall.”

Everybody walked away, sweating and their heads down, thankful for the end of the hard day. Only one private remained.

He looked at the officer and sincerely said, “Boy, there sure were a lot of them, huh, Sarge.”

22 October 2023

It’s been a stormy week with a bit less “unseasonably warm” temperatures – we’ve had the spill-over from Storm Babet. Lots of wind and rain, although it is still “unseasonably mild.” Just the sorts of days when you are reminded how much you enjoy the smell of wet dog after a damp tromp through the fields.

22 October 2023 – Amusements

One day a man passed by a farm and saw a beautiful horse. Hoping to buy the animal, he said to the farmer: “I think your horse looks pretty good, so I’ll give you $500 for him.”

“He doesn’t look good, and he’s not for sale,” the farmer said.

The man insisted, “I think he looks good and I’ll up the price to $1000!”

“He doesn’t look so good,” the farmer said, “but if you want him that much, he’s yours.”

The next day the man came back raging mad. He went up to the farmer and screamed, “You sold me a blind horse! You cheated me!”

The farmer calmly replied, “I told you he didn’t look so good, didn’t I?”

15 October 2023

It’s been, surprisingly, a moderately busy week which again, for the most part, has been “unseasonably warm” to quote the weather people. Our lovely friend Mary came for lunch on Sunday – we haven’t seen her since April, it turns out, so it was great to catch up. The weather co-operated and it was so warm and sunny that we were able to eat out on the patio – in October! Seems to me like the global thermostat is faulty.

15 October 2023 – Amusements

I went out with some friends last night and tied one on. Knowing that I was wasted, I did something that I have never done before. I took a bus home. I arrived home safe and warm, which seemed really surprising as I have never driven a bus before.