Greg – Page 41 – The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

21 August 2022 – Amusements

A real woman is a man’s best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he’s the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible man alive.

No wait…sorry. I am thinking of scotch. It’s scotch that does all that.

14 August 2022

Scorcio! Scorcio! Scorcio maximo, maximo! My goodness, it’s been hot, hot, hot. The countryside around and about is a crispy tinderbox and we’ve been “enjoying” hot sunny days with temperatures into the mid-30s and not a cloud in the sky. The weather people say we “might” get a spot of rain this coming week and it will be cooler but they also say the drought (officially declared on Friday) may well last until October. (I’m not sure how they know that but it is certainly out of the ordinary for the British to be begging for rain).

14 August 2022 – Amusements

I couldn’t decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices. “Air-fare to Denver is $300,” said a cheery salesperson.

“And what about Salt Lake City?”

“We have a really great rate to Salt Lake–$99.00, but there is a stopover.”

“Where?” I asked.

“Denver.”

7 August 2022

Scorcio! Scorcio! Scorcio maximo! Just back from a few days in Paris with Ben, Brex-Anna and Max where it was blisteringly, swelteringly hot but somehow, we still managed to have a great time.

7 August 2022 – Amusements

The minister’s wife was a wonder at conserving food and rarely had to throw away a bit of it. At one meal she gave her pastor husband nothing but leftovers that the parson viewed with great disdain. He began to pick at the food, causing his wife to say, “Dear, you forgot the blessing.”

“Listen, sweetheart, if you can show me one item that hasn’t been blessed at least two times, I can’t see what another prayer can do for it.”

31 July 2022

It’s been Scorcio! again this week. Temperatures have been in the high 70s to mid 80s which of course, for us, is hot. No rain for weeks and weeks and weeks. The grass is brown and dusty but thank goodness the Prime Minister was able to let his hair down and party while (some of) the grown-ups in the government were having emergency meetings to try to come up with a plan to deal with the emergency.

31 July 2022 – Amusements

A British friend of mine once found himself at a dinner party sitting next to an attractive American woman. The conversation turned to cricket, and the woman asked my friend to explain the game.

He agreed and embarked on a lengthy explanation of the mysteries of “silly mid-on,” “fine-leg,” “googly,” “Chinaman” and the like.

At the end he sat back, exhausted. The woman looked at him, shaking her head in wonderment, “That really is remarkable. And to think they do it all on horseback.”

24 July 2022

Well, it was certainly scorcio on Monday and Tuesday as the weather folks had predicted. The UK recorded its highest ever temperature on Tuesday and even in downtown Moreton Pinkney it was hotter than a very hot place on a very hot day. The weather people said it got up to 36^o but I must try to remember to ask one of our lovely neighbours who has a proper weather station-type thing – I suspect it was hotter.

24 July 2022 – Amusements

A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, “Dad, when will I be old enough to do as I please?”

The father answered immediately, “I don’t know, son. Nobody has lived that long yet.”

17 July 2022

Scorcio – it’s been a hot one with more forecast to come this week. The temperature has been in the mid to high 20s C but we are expecting 30^o today and 38^o (104^o F) on Monday and Tuesday! The Met office has even issued an amber warning for heat indicating a threat to life! Scorcio Maximo!