Greg – Page 40 – The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

25 September 2022 – Amusements

“My wife told me she wants another baby.”

“What did you say?”

“I agreed. The one we have now is really annoying.”

18 September 2022

It’s been a decent enough week – still no rain of any significant amount although we’ve had a few smatterings. The landscape is beginning to green up again and on Thursday I even had to mow the lawns – I think that’s the first time since July!

18 September 2022 – Amusements

“What’s the quickest way to Cork?” I asked the Irish farmer.

“Are you walking or driving?” he said.

“Driving,” I replied.

“Yes, that will be the quickest.”

11 September 2022

It’s been a mixture of showers and sunny intervals this week – good for the garden and the reservoirs, not much good when it pelts down in a torrent when you’re in the middle of a field walking the dog! The grass is greening up nicely and will soon need a mow, the first since mid-July, I think. I would be a lot happier if it would rain at night and keep dry during the day but I guess that’s too much to ask.

11 September 2022 – Amusements

Police in Australia are searching for a group of men seen releasing live crocodiles into a school building. Though, if you ask me, they should probably be searching for the crocodiles.

4 September 2022

It’s been a good(ish) week. Still no rain of any significance but, allegedly, we may see some this afternoon. The sun is going down earlier every day and there is the occasional Autumnal feel to some of the evenings and early mornings. I guess it won’t be long before someone asks me to put the central heating on – not sure we can afford it this year.

4 September 2022 – Amusements

A friend of mine suggested I put horse manure on my strawberries. I’m not doing that again. I’m going back to whipped cream.

28 August 2022

It’s been a (reasonably) good week. Thankfully, the sweltering heat of last week has dissipated but we are still in need some (more) rain. There have been deluges in other parts of the country and even some steady more moderate rain in some parts but we’ve seen almost nothing. We’ve had a few light, brief overnight sprinkles and it gently rained for an hour or so on Thursday afternoon but still not enough to penetrate the rock-hard ground. Quelle merde!

28 August 2022 – Amusements

The Edinburgh Fringe has been on for the past couple of weeks and every year someone produces a “Best One-Liner” from the festival. Here are this year’s top 10:

10 funniest jokes of the Fringe festival 2022

1. I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn’t get pasta – Masai Graham (52%)

2. Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it’s next day delivery? – Mark Simmons (37%)

3. My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock – Olaf Falafel (36%)

4. By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I, but it is the same house and the same family – Hannah Fairweather (35%)

5. I hate funerals. I’m not a mourning person – Will Mars (34%)

6. I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that’s four hours of my life that I’m definitely getting back – Olaf Falafel (33%)

7. I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx – Richard Pulsford (29%)

8. I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery – Tim Vine (28%)

9. Don’t knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate – Sophie Duker (27%)

10. I can’t even be bothered to be apathetic these days – Will Duggan (25%)

21 August 2022

Phew! Non-scorcio! What a relief – the scorcio temperatures have abated somewhat and the rain, when it finally came on Tuesday evening, was pleasant and gentle. Unlike in some parts of the country which experienced torrential downpours, floods and waterspouts! Better for the garden but still a long, long ways to go.