Greg – Page 43 – The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

12 June 2022 – Amusements

A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb.

About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to climb.

About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch.

Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing.

Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds. Mommy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, “Don’t you think it’s time we told him he was adopted?”

5 June 2022

And, we’re back. Again. We had a fabulous week in Wales and have just about had time to catch our breath.

5 June 2022 – Amusements

Arriving at his residence the professor told his housekeeper, “Sarah, I’ve invited three of my students to dinner tonight at 6:30, but I think I’ll give them a half-hour’s grace.”

“Professor, I’m as religious as the next person.” Sarah said shaking her head, “But even I think you’re over-doing it.”

29 May 2022

And, we’re off. Again. This time to a cottage in the middle of nowhere in the middle of Wales. (Actually, that could be considered a bit of redundant information – just about everywhere in the middle of Wales is in the middle of nowhere).

29 May 2022 – Amusements

A dottering, old professor of logic asked his College class a question.

“If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angeles is 2000 miles from Chicago, and the Moon is 239,000 miles from Earth, how old am I?”

A student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said, “Professor, you’re 70.”

The old professor said, “You’re absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?”

The student said, “It’s easy, I have a brother who’s 35, and he’s only half nuts.”

22 May 2022

And, we’re back. Again. For the time being anyway.

22 May 2022 – Amusements

A man just returned from traveling around the USA for a year. He had a lot of stories to tell. Here is one of them.

It seems he was looking for a bank and stopped to ask directions. The man he asked replied “Just drive down this road about 5 miles and then turn left at the Stop n Go.”

He drove 5 miles, then 6, then 7. At about 10 miles down he stopped for directions again. The man he asked replied, “Just go back down this road about 5 miles and turn right at the Stop n Go.”

He headed out again but still had no luck. When he got back to where he had started he stopped again. When he asked for directions the answer was exactly the same. This time Jim asked, “Could you describe the Stop n Go for me?”

The man gave him a funny look and said “It’s on a pole. It’s got a red light on the top, a Green light on the bottom…”

8 May 2022

It’s been another cold and fairly miserable week. Apart from a nice day on Saturday, its been cold and blustery with drizzle and rain. Not much fun. The weather persons are suggesting it might get warmer and sunnier this week. Let’s hope so.

8 May 2022 – Amusements

These are all out of my father’s archive. . .

DOG LETTERS TO GOD

Dear God:

How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom smell one another? Where are their priorities?

Dear God:

When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God:

Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride. I know every breed cannot have its own model, but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle!

Dear God:

If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God:

Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on-ramps?

Dear God:

If we come back as humans, is that good or bad?

Dear God:

More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God:

When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God:

We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God:

Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street.

Dear God:

Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God:

Can you undo what that doctor did?

1 May 2022

Relatively quiet week – the weather has been cold and cloudy. And, since we have to leave the door to Penny’s workroom open to allow Miss Daisy unhindered access to the great outdoors, that room is also cold and it seeps through the rest of the house. Time for some warm, sunny weather please.