Greg – Page 50 – The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

26 September 2021 – Amusements

I deliver pizza to help cover my college tuition. Once I called on customers who sent their seven-year-old son to pay me. As he approached the screen door, I noticed he was carrying a check in one hand and two dollars in the other, which I assumed was my tip.

To my dismay, he pocketed the bills before handing me the check, which was for the exact cost of the pizza.

“Could that have been a tip?” I asked, trying not to sound accusatory.

“Yep,” he replied proudly. “Not bad for just a walk from the living room and back!”

19 September 2021

Well, that was a lot of fun but, sadly, we are slowly having to adjust to “normal” now that Ben, Brex-Anna and Max have returned to LA after a two-and-a-half-week visit. It seems remarkably quiet around here – no one is playing trains on the kitchen floor in the mornings.

19 September 2021 – Amusements

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. “Listen,” said the shoplifter, “I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?”

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, “This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?”

12 September 2021

Wow! What a great week – a continuing visit with some very special people, a few outings, some really nice weather (up until Friday anyway), a couple of winning entries at the annual Morton Pinkney Horticultural show and an astonishingly great home-cooked meal with the whole famn damily! What more could anyone possibly want?

12 September 2021 – Amusements

A car full of Irish nuns are sitting at a traffic light in down town Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. “Hey, show us yer teets, ya bloody penguins!” shouts one of the drunks.

Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, “I don’t think they know who we are; show them your cross.”

Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, “Piss off, ya fookin’ little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer eyes out!”

Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, “Did that sound cross enough?”

5 September 2021

And, we’re back. But only in a limited capacity, I’m afraid. The Editor thinks he’s still on holiday and the staff . . . Don’t get me started. Ever since Brexit we’ve faced a shortage of essential staff, empty super market shelves and lousy weather.

5 September 2021 – Amusements

My wife and I had just finished a meal at one of our local restaurants when I realized I’d left my wallet at home. As the wife headed to the door to retrieve her purse from the car, she told the waitress what had happened, adding, “But don’t worry, I’m leaving my husband as collateral.”

The waitress took one look at me and asked her, “What else you got?”

15 August 2021

A tolerably tolerable week. We’ve had some decent enough sunshine with pleasingly pleasant temperatures, some rain and drizzle, some light breezes but nothing too extreme in either direction. Seems fair to me.

15 August 2021 – Amusements

RUNNING LATE: Official Glossary

“On the way.” – Still in bed.

“In the car.” – In the shower.

“GPS says 35 min.” – Getting ready.

“There’s traffic.” – Leaving the house.

“Parking now.” – 15 minutes out.

“Can’t find a spot.” – 5 minutes out.

“Walking in.” – Looking for a spot.

8 August 2021

A good week on the whole. Some reasonably decent weather to begin but the weekend brought another batch of wind and rain interspersed with the occasional sunny spell. Hey ho, it’s what an English summer is all about.