Greg's Occasional News & Views
A Greek tourist visits the United States on his first overseas trip. Upon arrival at the Immigration desk, he is visibly puzzled filling out his visa application. The immigration officer looks over the man’s shoulder, and sees the tourist trying to write ‘Twice a week’ into the small space labelled “SEX”.
The officer explains “No, no, no, that isn’t what we mean by this question. We are asking Male or Female.”
The tourist answers, “Does it matter?”
Continue reading “8 August 2021 – Amusements”After endless weeks and months of lockdown, it’s been an extraordinarily busy week. We explored a “new” (to us) walk, had a visitor come to visit, undertook an outing up to the big city, and enjoyed a lovely evening with village friends for cocktails, canapes and croquet. If this is what Freedom from Covid restrictions is going to be like, I am not going to be able to stand the pace.
Continue reading “1 August 2021”After years being away from the Church a man begins to feel the spiritual pull again, so he decides to go to confession. He pulls aside the curtain on the confessional box, enters and sits himself down.
Inside there is an over-stuffed leather armchair next to a little mini-bar equipped with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, imported beer on ice, cigars and a box of liqueur chocolates.
He hears a priest enter the other side of the box. “Father, forgive me. It’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”
The priest replies, “Get out of there, you idiot. You’re on my side!”
Scorcio, scorcio, scorcio! Temperatures have been up in the high 20s/low 30s (low to high 80s) all week which, as I said last time, is pretty unusual around here. The Met Office issued its first ever extreme heat warning for much of the country, Moreton Pinkney included. We’re used to flood warnings and storm and gale warnings but never an extreme heat warning.
Continue reading “25 July 2021”We’ve had it before . . .
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and after a big fight they were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, ‘Important; wake me at 5:00 AM.’ He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 8:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, ‘It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.’
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Continue reading “25 July 2021 – Amusements”Oh, my goodness, what a glorious weekend. Bright blue cloudless skies, unrelenting sunshine (we’d almost forgotten what that feels like) and hot (well, at least for us in the UK – top temperatures allegedly creeping towards 30o C – 86o F in old money). Not sure how long it’s set to continue but we’ll gladly take what we can.
Continue reading “18 July 2021”According to a recent study, men on dating sites are more popular if they mention dancing or cooking. Because if there’s one thing women love, it’s a man who can lie.
Continue reading “18 July 2021 – Amusements”It’s been one of those weeks, hasn’t it? Rain, wind and the occasional drop of sunshine. The wind was so brisk the other day that it snapped off several of Ms Playchute’s French bean plants. Quelle merde! It seems we had the wettest May on record which was followed by the wettest June on record and those folks who claim to “know” about such things predict that July will also be amongst the wettest on record. On the other hand, some weather pundits are predicting a scorching end of July so who knows? Not us, for sure.
Continue reading “11 July 2021”Murphy and his wife went for a stroll in the park. They sat down on a bench to rest for a while. Soon they overheard voices coming from a secluded spot nearby. Suddenly, Mrs. Murphy realizes that a young man is about to propose. Not wanting to be eavesdropping during such an intimate moment, she gently nudges her husband and whispers, “Whistle, to let that young couple know that someone can hear them.”
To which Murphy replies, “Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me?”
Continue reading “11 July 2021 – Amusements”Phew! What a weekend. I’m glad that’s all over. I don’t mind spending time in the garden, obviously. But I prefer that time to be spent reclining in the hammock sipping a Pimms rather than mowing the lawns, trimming the edges, trimming the hedge, tidying away all the detritus and, in general, making things presentable for (a) the MPGC Annual Garden Competition and (b) the Moreton Pinkney Open Gardens 2021! Add in Annabelle’s Camp over/Sleepover and all the excitement six squealing nine-year-olds brought to the party and you can appreciate it was a full-on few days.
Continue reading “4 July 2021”