Greg's Occasional News & Views
Our Supply Clerk at the factory where I work, discovered a box that was left on the loading dock with this warning printed on it: DANGER DO NOT TOUCH!
Management was called and all employees were told to stay clear of the box until it could be analysed.
When the foreman arrived, he donned gloves and safety glasses, and then, very carefully opened the box. Inside were 250 signs that read: DANGER! DO NOT TOUCH!
Continue reading “4 July 2021 – Amusements”So, it’s been a tolerably good week but oh my goodness have we been busy! This weekend (i.e., yesterday and today) sees the confluence of three major events, each of which has required a dedicated effort in preparation.
Continue reading “27 June 2021”Marvin found the following ransom note slipped under his front door. “Bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of your country club tomorrow at 10:00 AM if you ever want to see your wife alive again.”
But it was well after 1:00 PM by the time he arrived at the designated meeting spot. A masked man stepped from behind a bush and demanded, “You’re three hours late. What took you so long?”
“Give me a break!” said Marvin, pointing to his scorecard. “I’m a 27 handicap.”
Continue reading “27 June 2021 – Amusements”What a splendidly splendid week we’ve had. The weather has ranged from good to very good to excellent, we had an outstanding short break in Wales, a delightful Garden Club outing to Warwick and the rain for the garden arrived on Friday after all the excursions were complete. Perfect!
Continue reading “20 June 2021”A couple had been married for 50 years and had raised a brood of 10 children and was blessed with 20 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.”
Continue reading “20 June 2021 – Amusements”Oh my goodness! What a lovely week – for the most part we have been enjoying pleasantly warm temperatures (high 60s, low 70s in old money), bright blue skies with the occasional fluffy cloud and a pleasant breeze. Just about perfect for lounging in the hammock. What a pity that there is so much to do!
GregA fellow tees off, and slices terribly. He sees the ball fly past a stand of trees and then hears a shriek. He runs over and finds a woman knocked out cold.
The man runs back to the clubhouse and shouts, “Is there a doctor here?”
“I’m a doctor,” another man says, rising. “What’s the trouble?”
“I just hit a woman with a golf ball out there and she’s unconscious!”
“Well where did you hit her?” the doctor asks.
“Between the first and second holes.”
“Oh my,” the doctor says, shaking his head. “That doesn’t leave much room for stitches!”
Continue reading “13 June 2021 – Amusements”It’s been a pretty decent and, at times, almost glorious week – lots of sunshine and “baking” hot temperatures. The weekend was grand and on the Bank Holiday Monday Adam, Ava and Jessie and a couple of their friends came across for a play in the garden and pizzas from the pizza box on the barbeque which Nick and Lucy gave us many years ago. It’s still going strong and the resulting pizzas were magnificent.
Two resident doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart. “What’s all this about?” asked the consultant angrily.
“It’s the tax auditor in C ward,” said one. “He’s only got 2 days to live.”
“He had to be told,” said the second doctor.
“I know,” said the first, “but I wanted to be the one to tell him!”
Continue reading “6 June 2021 – Amusements”Isn’t it lovely when the sun shines? We had almost forgotten how glorious a spot of sunshine can be but on Thursday we had a lovely day – sunshine, blue skies and pleasantly warm temperatures. It was so nice that Penny decided to dig a garden pond. Clearly she does not have enough to do.
Continue reading “30 May 2021”