Greg's Occasional News & Views
“Jim, why don’t you play golf with Steve anymore?” asked a friend.
“Would you play golf with a guy who moved the ball with his foot when you weren’t watching?” Jim asked.
“Well, no, I suppose not,” admitted the friend.
“Neither will Steve,” replied Jim.
Continue reading “30 May 2021 – Amusements”Oh my goodness! Stop with the rain, please. I think Ms Playchute’s request for a bit of rain for the garden in the early part of the month has been mis-interpreted by whomever organises such things. May is, apparently, on track to be the wettest on record – and we’ve got another week before we’re through!
Continue reading “23 May 2021”A man sees a job ad posted on a construction site, “Handy man wanted; apply within.”
So he does and speaks to the foreman.
“Can you drive a Bobcat?” the foreman asks.
“No.”
“Can you plaster?”
“No.”
“Have you ever done any carpentry?”
“No.”
“If you don’t mind me asking,” says the foreman, “what’s so handy about you?”
“Well, I only live about five minutes down the road…”
Continue reading “23 May 2021 – Amusements”Oh, it’s been a frustrating week. Showers and wind, showers and wind. Nice when the sun shines and even passably warm but then comes the showers and wind, showers and wind. And then, some rain. Heavy, steady downpours. Penelope has been out in the garden whenever the skies stop dripping, digging and planting and transplanting and hoeing and digging and turfing and stamping and digging.
I’ve been out in the garden wondering how she manages to keep going.
Continue reading “16 May 2021”Things I never learned in high school:
1. What taxes are.
2. How to do taxes.
3. How to vote.
4. Anything to do with banking.
5. How to buy a car or a house.
But I’m so glad I know the Pythagorean Theorem!
Continue reading “16 May 2021 – Amusements”It’s been an “interesting” week – very cold for the time of year, the weather people keep telling me. I know! There’ve been a couple of fairly sunny days accompanied by a chill wind which makes stopping indoors and huddling in front of the fire probably the best idea. Still, I did get out on the road for a couple of rides, one in the delightful company of our Nick.
Continue reading “9 May 2021”A little boy was waiting for his mother. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, “Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?”
The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right.”
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, “I’m the new pastor in town. I’d like you to come to church on Sunday. I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”
The little boy replied with a laugh; “You’re kidding me, right? You don’t even know the way to the Post Office.”
Continue reading “9 May 2021 – Amusements”Whew, it’s been a chilly, chilly week, especially after the relative balminess of the week before. The frostiest April in 60 years, so the BBC tells me. We’ve had a bit of rain but we need more – lots of showers about but most of them seem to have evaded our back garden. I just hope the frost doesn’t whack the blossom on the fruit trees.
I came home one night and my wife was crying.
I said, “What’s wrong?”
She said, “I’m home sick.”
I said, “But, this IS your home.”
“I know,” she replied, “and I’m sick of it!”
Continue reading “2 May 2021 – Amusements”It’s been a pretty decent week. Some lovely sunny skies, fresh in the mornings but not altogether unpleasant as the sun warms things up. The blossom’s on the trees in the orchard, the tulips are showing nicely, the aubrietia round the patio is lovely, the forget-me-nots are springing up demanding that you don’t forget them and Penelope’s woodland garden is already looking splendid with lots more to come! Isn’t spring a magnificently exciting time of year?
Continue reading “25 April 2021”