Greg – Page 54 – The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

25 April 2021 – Amusements

A couple are having marital difficulties, and the wife suggests they see a marriage counsellor. At their first session the counsellor asks the couple to explain to each other how they feel about their marriage.

The wife says: “We are at a crossroads. To the left is bitterness, resentment, divorce and a life of unhappiness. To the right is reconciliation, love and lifelong happiness.”

The husband says: “I think you’ll find that’s a T-junction.”

18 April 2021

It’s been mainly cold bordering on Arctic-like for much of the week although when the sun does break through the clouds the warmth it imparts could persuade you that spring cannot be far away. Even so, we’ve had snow flurries this week on a couple of occasions for goodness’ sake and a neighbour shared the following photograph of a frozen stack of water on Brook Street in the village.

18 April 2021 – Amusements

A 55 year old man who was born on May 5, has been married 5 years, has 5 children, makes $55,555.55 a year, and trusts the number 5.

One day a friend informs the man that a horse named Lucky 5 will be running in the fifth race at the local track that evening. Excitedly, the man withdraws 5,555.00 cash from his bank account, goes to the races and bets on Lucky 5.

Sure enough, the horse comes in fifth.

11 April 2021

Wow! What an exciting week. As mentioned briefly last time, we had our first post “irreversible” unlockdown catch-up with Nick, Lucy and Annabelle on Saturday and Adam, Ava and Jessie on Sunday. The weather wasn’t great – too bad as we had to spend all of it out of doors! Cold and overcast on Saturday, cold but at least intermittently sunny on Sunday.

11 April 2021 – Amusements

A one dollar bill met a 50 dollar bill and said, “Hey, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you around here much.”

The fifty answered, “I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff.

“How about you?”

The one dollar bill said, “You know, same old thing . . . strip club, strip club, church.”

4 April 2021

Hurray! It’s all over. We’ve entered the first phase of the “irreversible” unlocking of life in the UK, the first steps on the road to recovery and the sunlight uplands of post-Brexit global Britain! I hope their “irreversible” unlocking doesn’t go the same way as the “world-beating” Test and Trace or the “world-beating” Covid tracking app.

Fingers crossed, I guess?

4 April 2021 – Amusements

A young man applied for a job at a new factory being built in a nearby town. He entered the main office, where the receptionist directed him down the hall to an office where he was to be interviewed by the Personnel Officer.

After several minutes of describing and explaining all about the new factory, the Personnel Officer told the young man, “We need individuals who are totally responsible.”

The young man grinned and responded: “Well, I sure qualify. Everywhere I’ve worked, when something went wrong, I was always responsible!”

28 March 2021

Another mixed week – on the chilly and windy side much of the time, a smattering of rain from time to time as well as some sunny spells hinting at warmer days to come. Now that we’ve passed the equinox, the daylight hours are beginning to stretch the day out and the birds are more active and vocal than ever. A neighbour shared this on the village Facebook page:

28 March 2021 – Amusements

“Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?” I asked my friend.

“He wants to be a garbage man,” he replied.

“That’s an unusual ambition to have at such a young age.”

“Not really. He thinks that garbage men work only on Tuesdays.”

21 March 2021

A mixed bag this week – good day, bad day, good day, bad day. Wind, rain, hail, sunshine, repeat. The wind and rain kept us largely confined to quarters; the sunshine tempted Penelope out into the garden and me out on my bike.