Author: Greg

A seven-year-old boy is sitting at the dinner table with his parents. Suddenly he announces, “Me and Janie next door are gonna get married!”

“Oh?” says the mother, amused. “And how old is Janie?”

“Six,” replies the boy.

“Well,” says the father, “what are you going to do for money?”

“I get 5 dollars a week allowance,” says the son, “and Janie gets 2. We figured that if we put them together, we’ll be okay.”

“I see,” says the father. “But what are you going to do if you have any children?”

“Well,” says the boy, “so far we’ve been lucky.”  Continue reading “14 August 2016 – Amusements”

A man was on a long walk in the country. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire.

There was a baby pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.

The housewife replied, “Ah, he’s not that friendly. That’s his bowl you’re using.” Continue reading “7 August 2016 – Amusements”

Pauly walks into a bar and says “Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!” The bartender says, “Well, Pauly, seems you’re in a really good mood tonight, eh?”

Pauly says, “Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!”

The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round.

Monday evening arrives. Pauly comes back into the bar and says “Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!”

The bartender says, “Well now! If you’re so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you’ll be when you get your first pay check!”

Pauly looks at the bartender with a confused look on his face, pulls out quite a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says “You mean they’ll PAY me on top of all this?” Continue reading “31 July 2016 – Amusements”

At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that a test for a canine’s disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner’s face or show concern.

Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up, clutched my heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor.

The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other and raced to the coffee table for my pizza. Continue reading “24 July 2016 – Amusements”

One day Ole and Sven were paging through the Sears Catalogue and admiring all the beautiful models.

Ole said to Sven, “Haf you seen da perdy girls in dis catalog?”

Sven replied, “Ya. Dey sure are bootiful, an yust look at da prices!”

Ole looked wide eyed and said, “Yumpin’ yimminy. Dey ain’t very expensive. At dees prices I’m buyin’ me vun.”

Sven smiled, patted Ole on the back and said, “by golly Ole, if she’s as perdy as she looks in da catalog, I vill get vun too.”

Three weeks later Sven came by and asked Ole, “did ja ever git dat girl you ordered from da Sears Catalog?”

Ole replied, “no, but it von’t be long now, her clothes came yesterday!” Continue reading “17 July 2016 – Amusements”