7 September 2025 – Amusements

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.”

The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn’t find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him.

The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died.”

St. Peter couldn’t deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died.

“Well, sir, it was awful,” said the second man. “I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!”

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

“Tell me about the day you died,” he said to the third man in line.

“OK, picture this, I’m naked, hiding inside a refrigerator….”

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31 August 2025

It’s been a lovely, busy week. The weather has been decent with a distinctive autumnal feel. The sun sets noticeably lower in the sky each evening – Tuesday of this past week was the last day this year when the sun sets after 8.00 pm. It’s all downhill from here! We did get a drop or several of rain this week, for which the Head Gardener was certainly appreciative. We’ve had a plethora of outings and activities which have kept us entertained and out of mischief (mostly).

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31 August 2025 – Amusements

Two Irish lads are strolling down a street in Liverpool when they spot a shop window that reads: Suits £10, Jackets £7.50, Trousers and Dresses £5.00.

One turns to the other and says, “Would ya look at those feckin’ prices? We could buy a boatload, haul it back to Ireland, and make a fortune — double, maybe even treble the money!”

The other lad says, “That’s a grand idea, but d’ya think they’ll sell to us if they know we’re Irish?”

The first lad grins and says, “Don’t worry, I’ve got this,” and walks in, putting on his finest English accent: “Good afternoon! I’d like twenty suits, thirty jackets, fifty pairs of trousers, and twenty-five dresses, please.”

The shop assistant squints and says, “You’re Irish, aren’t you?”

The lad replies, “Ah feck, how’d ya guess?”

The assistant smiles and says, “This is a dry cleaners.”

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24 August 2025 – Amusements

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to address the crowd of drinkers. He says, ‘I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.’

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the man who left shows back up, taps the Texan on the shoulder, and asks, ‘Is your bet still good?'”

The Texan says ‘yes’ and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately, the Irishman tears into the 10 pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, ‘If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?’

The Irishman replies, ‘Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.’”

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