The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

When my wife and I showed up at a very popular restaurant, it was crowded. I went up to the hostess and asked, “Will it be long?”

The hostess, ignoring me, kept writing in her book. I asked again, “How much of a wait?”

The woman looked up from her book and said, “Oh, about ten minutes.”

A short time later we heard an announcement over the loudspeaker: “Willette B. Long, your table is ready.”

Continue reading “3 August 2025 – Amusements”

A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn’t get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away.

Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.

He said, “Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn’t even make eye contact.”

“Oh,” said the waitress, “I thought you wanted more coffee.”

Continue reading “27 July 2025 – Amusements”

A variation on one we’ve had before but with a different punchline.

One day, two guys decide to take a drive to a local grocery store to get some lunch. On the way to the store they ran into an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red. The man driving went right through the red light. The passenger looked at the driver and screamed, “What the heck are you doing? You’re going to get us killed!”

Then the driver responded, “Don’t worry, my mother always drives like this.”

So later on, the two guys came to another stoplight and that, too, was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, “I thought I told you, you’re gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!”

The driver looked at the passenger and responded, “All right! I get it, but I told you my mother drives like this all the time!”

Again, the two guys ran into another light. This time it was green. The driver slammed on his breaks and stopped the car totally. “What the heck are you doing?”

The passenger screamed. “This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?”

“Well, my mother might be coming the other way,” the driver said.

Continue reading “20 July 2025 – Amusements”

At a monastery high in the mountains, the monks have a rigid vow of silence. Only at Christmas, and only by one monk, and only with one sentence, is the vow allowed to be broken.

One Christmas, Brother Thomas is allowed to speak and he says, “I like the mashed potatoes we have with the Christmas turkey!” and he sits down. Silence ensues for 365 days.

The next Christmas, Brother Michael gets his turn, and he says “I think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I hate them!”

Once again, silence for 366 days (it’s leap year). The following Christmas, Brother Paul rises and says, “I am fed up with this constant bickering!”

Continue reading “13 July 2025 – Amusements”

I’m giving up drinking for a month.

Sorry that came out wrong.

I’m giving up. Drinking for a month.

Continue reading “6 July 2025 – Amusements”