Greg's Occasional News & Views
More rain interspersed with the odd bit of sunshine and not very warm temperatures. I had thought that the central heating had been retired for the remainder of this season but, alas, I was mistaken. Ms Playchute requested a re-igniting and a fire in the wood burner in the lounge! Here it is June, for goodness sakes!
Having said all that, this morning is absolutely glorious with bright sunshine under a clear, cloudless sky.
Continue reading “2 June 2024”Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor.
“One thing about Jim,” his buddy said to the bartender, “he knows when to stop.”
I forgot to say – we’re away this weekend. Again. So, this will be a very brief and boring Picayune this week. No change there then.
Sorry/You’re Welcome.
Continue reading “26 May 2024”A ten-year-old girl asked and received help from a librarian on how to use the card catalogue. In a little while, the girl approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to spell “tequila.”
“T-e-q-u-i-l-a,” spelled the librarian, as the girl thanked her and went back to her search. A short time later she came to the desk, looking quite distraught.
“I just can’t find it,” she said.
“What book are you looking for, honey?” the librarian asked.
Replied the little girl, “Tequila Mockingbird.”
Continue reading “26 May 2024 – Amusements”And, we’re back! Sorry.
We had a fabulous week in a surprisingly warm and sunny Ireland – what are the chances of that?
Continue reading “19 May 2024”FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It’s important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It’s important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It’s important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn’t lie to you.
4. It’s important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It’s very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
It’s been a mixed-bag of a week – more rain (no surprise there) but a couple of relatively sunny days with fairly reasonable temperatures. Penny was even able, with some modest assistance from me, to get the lawns mowed for the first time in about a fortnight.
Continue reading “5 May 2024”One night in Paris, an American tourist dropped into a sidewalk cafe late one night and, after a couple of drinks, realized he was the last person in the bar except for a chap sleeping at one of the tables.
The man called the proprietor over and asked for his bill. “Would monsieur care for another drink?” asked the Frenchman.
“No thanks, I imagine you want to close up. Why don’t you send that other fellow home?”
“Well, I should, but each time I wake him up he asks for the bill and pays it again.”
Continue reading “5 May 2024 – Amusements”Hmm. It’s been a tolerably decent week. Intermittent sunny skies although still very chilly with a biting cold north wind. The garden is slowly starting to wake up and Ms Playchute has spent many a happy moment outdoors when the rain is absent. She’s also enjoyed a number of fine walks with family and friends, i.e., not with me!
Continue reading “28 April 2024”An old country boy with a bucket full of live fish was approached by a Game Warden.
The Game Warden asked the man, “May I see your fishing licence, please?”
“No, sir. Don’t need one. These here are my pet fish.”
“Pet fish?” the Game Warden barked.
“Yep, once a week, I bring these here fish o’mine down to the lake and let ‘em swim ‘round for a while. Then, when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take ‘em home.”
“HOGWASH! You’re under arrest.”
He said, “It’s the truth. I’ll show ya! We do this all the time!!”
“We do, now, do we?” smirked the warden. “PROVE it!”
He released the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After a few minutes, the warden said, “Well?”
“Well, what?
The warden asked, “When are you going to call them back?”
“Call who back?”
“The FISH!” replied the warden.
“What fish?”
Continue reading “28 April 2024 – Amusements”