A traveler was driving through Arkansas when he lost his way and got off the main highway. As he drove by, he saw rows and rows of pigsties and pigpens and pigs running in fields and pigs wallowing in mud. Suddenly, his eye caught something really strange. He did a double take, muttered to himself and then looked a third time. He wondered if he had seen correctly – it looked like a pig with a wooden leg!
He found the lane to the farm and drove up into the farmyard, where he was met by the farmer. “Excuse me,” the traveler said. “I was just driving by and looking at all your pigs, and I noticed something that I just had to stop and ask about. Tell me, did I see right? Is there really a pig out there with a wooden leg?”
The farmer smiled. “Oh, that would be old Caesar. He’s the finest pig a man could ever hope to have – and smart! Well, let me tell you a little about that pig. You see that barge down there on the river? That’s a mining dredge, taking out platinum ore. Old Caesar sniffed out the vein and showed us how to set it up. Now that dredge brings me in about $120,000 every year.
“There’s another thing, too, a little more personal. One night a couple of years ago I got to drinking and I guess I had more than I should have. I passed out drunk, fell down and knocked over a lamp. That started a fire in the house and old Caesar smelled the smoke. He came in the back door, got the wife and kid out, roused me up and got me out.
“There is no question about it – that night old Caesar saved all our lives and you know that is not the sort of thing a man is going to forget too easily.”
“Why,” the traveler said, “this is all amazing! I have never heard of a pig like this before! This is fantastic! But tell me, how did he get that wooden leg? Was he in a wreck or something?”
The farmer laughed and said, “Well, naturally, when you have a pig that smart, you don’t want to eat him all at once.”
31 March 2024
Welcome back! We’ve returned refreshed and invigorated following our brief break in Cornwall and looking forward to the burgeoning Spring with enthusiasm.
Continue reading “31 March 2024”31 March 2024 – Amusements
A man and a woman were having sex on the sofa when the phone rang.
“Who was that?” the guy asked.
“My husband,” she replied.
“Oh no, I better get going then,” the guy said. “Where was he when he phoned?”
“You can relax,” said the woman. “He’s downtown playing poker with you.”
17 March 2024
It’s been a pretty mixed week – a fair bit of rain and lots of mud all of which seems to cling to Daisy when she comes home from her walks. Thank goodness for the new, outdoor mixer tap! We’ve also had some lovely periods with sunshine with clouds scudding across the skies, all the while remaining very mild. As for me it’s a case, once again, of good day, bad day, good day, bad day, etc. It seems that I will need to seek a second opinion – Dr Google assured me that my sciatic symptoms would disappear after four to six weeks. Sadly, that has turned out not to be the case. I’m afraid my lovely, magnificent carer is getting just about as fed up as I am!
Continue reading “17 March 2024”17 March 2024 – Amusements
A sailor came home from a year-long deployment only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.
“Was it my friend Sam?” he demanded.
“No!” his weeping wife replied.
“Was it my friend Jim then?” he asked.
“NO!” she said even more upset.
“Well, which one of my no-good friends did this then?” he yelled.
“Don’t you think I have any friends of my own?” she screamed.
10 March 2024
Same old, same old. Good days, bad days. Only two more days for Dr Google’s prognosis that most people’s symptoms disappear in 4 to 6 weeks. So, on Tuesday I’ll be as right as rain!
Continue reading “10 March 2024”10 March 2024 – Amusements
They say there’s more chance of dying on the way to buy a lottery ticket than actually winning. That’s why I always send my wife.
Win-Win.
3 March 2024
Good day, bad day, bad day, good day, bad, bad, bad, day, etc. And so it goes on. Dr Google only has about another week for his prognosis to be accurate. To be fair though, he/she did say “most people’s symptoms” disappear after four to six weeks. I’m not holding my breath. I have an appointment with a consultant at the end of this week so we’ll see where that takes us.
Continue reading “3 March 2024”3 March 2024 – Amusements
A salesman telephoned a household and a four-year-old answered.
Salesman: May I speak to your mother?
Child: She is not here.
Salesman: Well, is anyone else there?
Child: My sister
Salesman: O.K., fine. May I speak to her?
Child: I guess so.
There was a long silence on the other phone. Then:
Child: Hello?
Salesman: It’s you. I thought you were going to call your sister.
Child: I did. The trouble is: I can’t get her out of the playpen.
Continue reading “3 March 2024 – Amusements”25 February 2024
Good day, bad day, even worse day, better day, not bad day, bad day, etc. I think the sciatica pain is a case of peaks and troughs – some days I think there is definitely an improvement and other days I think this is worse than ever! Still, on the whole, I think we are making gradual progress and perhaps Dr Google’s prediction of four to six weeks will turn out to be about right. Fingers crossed.
Continue reading “25 February 2024”