Same old, same old. Good days, bad days. Only two more days for Dr Google’s prognosis that most people’s symptoms disappear in 4 to 6 weeks. So, on Tuesday I’ll be as right as rain!
Continue reading “10 March 2024”10 March 2024 – Amusements
They say there’s more chance of dying on the way to buy a lottery ticket than actually winning. That’s why I always send my wife.
Win-Win.
3 March 2024
Good day, bad day, bad day, good day, bad, bad, bad, day, etc. And so it goes on. Dr Google only has about another week for his prognosis to be accurate. To be fair though, he/she did say “most people’s symptoms” disappear after four to six weeks. I’m not holding my breath. I have an appointment with a consultant at the end of this week so we’ll see where that takes us.
Continue reading “3 March 2024”3 March 2024 – Amusements
A salesman telephoned a household and a four-year-old answered.
Salesman: May I speak to your mother?
Child: She is not here.
Salesman: Well, is anyone else there?
Child: My sister
Salesman: O.K., fine. May I speak to her?
Child: I guess so.
There was a long silence on the other phone. Then:
Child: Hello?
Salesman: It’s you. I thought you were going to call your sister.
Child: I did. The trouble is: I can’t get her out of the playpen.
Continue reading “3 March 2024 – Amusements”25 February 2024
Good day, bad day, even worse day, better day, not bad day, bad day, etc. I think the sciatica pain is a case of peaks and troughs – some days I think there is definitely an improvement and other days I think this is worse than ever! Still, on the whole, I think we are making gradual progress and perhaps Dr Google’s prediction of four to six weeks will turn out to be about right. Fingers crossed.
Continue reading “25 February 2024”25 February 2024 – Amusements
The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.
I said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”
“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.
“I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some scumbag using my stuff.”
She looked at me and said: “What makes you think I’d marry another scumbag?”
18 February 2024
We’ve had quite a few nice days with some reasonably bright and clear skies and Spring-like temperatures. In mid-February. What’s that about? Lady Penelope was even out pruning roses the other day. Me? I’m still more or less confined to quarters with the sciatica pain. Small improvements – it seems to go from “not bad” to “unbelievably bad” to “not too bad” before reverting to “brutal” again. Nights are the worst, of course. There seems to be no position in which I can get comfortable.
Continue reading “18 February 2024”18 February 2024 – Amusements
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
‘How do you feel about sex?’ he asked, rather tentatively.
‘I would like it infrequently’ she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered, ‘Is that one word or two?’
11 Februry 2024
Sadly, the numerous chiropractor and acupuncture appointments have not resolved the issue of my sciatic pain and we had to take the disappointing decision to abandon our trip to Hawaii, LA and New England. Thank you to those who got in touch to wish me well – those of you who have suffered similarly know how absolutely brutal it is – and the plethora of donkey tranquilisers our GP gave me have only marginally dented the pain. So, we’ll look forward to making that trip on a later occasion.
Continue reading “11 Februry 2024”11 February 2024 – Amusements
My friend returns from Africa and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of tests. My friend wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!”
“Oh my gosh,” cries my friend, “What are you going to do, doctor?”
“Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.”
“Will that cure me?” asks my friend.
The doctor replies, “Well no, but it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
Continue reading “11 February 2024 – Amusements”