16 August 2026 – Amusements

A woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at the boyfriend, “Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband’s home early!”

The boyfriend looked out the window and said, “It’s raining out there!”

She said, “If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!”

So the boyfriend grabs his clothes and jumps out the window. As he began running down the street, he discovered he had run right in the middle of a town marathon, so he started running along beside the others. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to “blend in” as best he could.

One of the runners asked him, “Do you always run in the nude?”

He answered, while gasping for air, “Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running.”

The next runner then asked the nude man, “Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?”

The nude man answered breathlessly, “Oh, yes, that way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”

A third runner asked, “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”

Without missing a beat he replied, “Only when it’s raining.”

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9 August 2026 – Amusements

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well deserved complaining and self-pitying.

She moaned to her mom and her younger brother, “Nobody loves me…the whole world hates me!”

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word… “That’s not true, Mary. Some people don’t even know you.”

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2 August 2026 – Amusements

I’m pretty sure we’ve had these before – you can tell I am running out of material – please send whatever you can – obviously I am desperate!

A very confident Marine Corps Pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No,” he replies, “I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it.”

The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”

The Pilot says, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”

“Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties….”

The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”

The Fighter Pilot smirks, taps his watch and says, “Damn thing’s an hour fast.”

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26 July 2026

Oops! Sorry, I neglected to “warn” you last week that we would be away and therefore not have a chance to put together the usual copious and incoherent scribblings of the Moreton Pinkney Picayune. (I know that some of you will be delighted – I share your joy!

We’re currently in Northumberland poking around and exploring some of the beautiful beaches here and there. The weather has been grand – mainly sunny with temperatures in the high teens to low twenties. Very pleasant and non-scorcio!

A few photos – bear in mind as you flick through these – this is high summer season. As a result, there are considerably more folks (and dogs) on the beach than usual.

Daisy loves the beach! She’s always on the lookout for another dog with which to run and play and spends the rest of her time scouring the vegetation for a small rodent or two to scare. Thankfully, they always seem to escape her attentions – so far, fingers crossed.

Just a heads-up, we’re away again next weekend so you may get another vacation. You’re welcome.

Meanwhile, keep breathing, keep happy, keep smiling, keep exercising, be good, be careful, and keep safe. And, be gentle to wasps and bees – we need all the pollinators we can get. And, hold your loved ones close.

Lots of love to you all,

Greg

19 July 2026 – Amusements

We’ve had it before but it still makes me chuckle (and, after all, that’s the only criteria that matters):

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. “It will be waiting for you at the airport!” he was assured by his editor.

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, “Let’s go! Let’s go!”

The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.

“Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, “and make three or four low level passes.”

“Why?” asked the pilot.

“Because I’m going to take pictures! I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!” said the photographer with great exasperation.

After a long pause the pilot said, “You mean you’re not the instructor?”

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