The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

13 June 2021 – Amusements

A fellow tees off, and slices terribly. He sees the ball fly past a stand of trees and then hears a shriek. He runs over and finds a woman knocked out cold.

The man runs back to the clubhouse and shouts, “Is there a doctor here?”

“I’m a doctor,” another man says, rising. “What’s the trouble?”

“I just hit a woman with a golf ball out there and she’s unconscious!”

“Well where did you hit her?” the doctor asks.

“Between the first and second holes.”

“Oh my,” the doctor says, shaking his head. “That doesn’t leave much room for stitches!”

It’s been a pretty decent and, at times, almost glorious week – lots of sunshine and “baking” hot temperatures. The weekend was grand and on the Bank Holiday Monday Adam, Ava and Jessie and a couple of their friends came across for a play in the garden and pizzas from the pizza box on the barbeque which Nick and Lucy gave us many years ago. It’s still going strong and the resulting pizzas were magnificent.

6 June 2021 – Amusements

Two resident doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart. “What’s all this about?” asked the consultant angrily.

“It’s the tax auditor in C ward,” said one. “He’s only got 2 days to live.”

“He had to be told,” said the second doctor.

“I know,” said the first, “but I wanted to be the one to tell him!”

30 May 2021

Isn’t it lovely when the sun shines? We had almost forgotten how glorious a spot of sunshine can be but on Thursday we had a lovely day – sunshine, blue skies and pleasantly warm temperatures. It was so nice that Penny decided to dig a garden pond. Clearly she does not have enough to do.

30 May 2021 – Amusements

“Jim, why don’t you play golf with Steve anymore?” asked a friend.

“Would you play golf with a guy who moved the ball with his foot when you weren’t watching?” Jim asked.

“Well, no, I suppose not,” admitted the friend.

“Neither will Steve,” replied Jim.

23 May 2021

Oh my goodness! Stop with the rain, please. I think Ms Playchute’s request for a bit of rain for the garden in the early part of the month has been mis-interpreted by whomever organises such things. May is, apparently, on track to be the wettest on record – and we’ve got another week before we’re through!

23 May 2021 – Amusements

A man sees a job ad posted on a construction site, “Handy man wanted; apply within.”

So he does and speaks to the foreman.

“Can you drive a Bobcat?” the foreman asks.

“No.”

“Can you plaster?”

“No.”

“Have you ever done any carpentry?”

“No.”

“If you don’t mind me asking,” says the foreman, “what’s so handy about you?”

“Well, I only live about five minutes down the road…”

16 May 2021

Oh, it’s been a frustrating week. Showers and wind, showers and wind. Nice when the sun shines and even passably warm but then comes the showers and wind, showers and wind. And then, some rain. Heavy, steady downpours. Penelope has been out in the garden whenever the skies stop dripping, digging and planting and transplanting and hoeing and digging and turfing and stamping and digging.

I’ve been out in the garden wondering how she manages to keep going.

16 May 2021 – Amusements

Things I never learned in high school:

1. What taxes are.
2. How to do taxes.
3. How to vote.
4. Anything to do with banking.
5. How to buy a car or a house.

But I’m so glad I know the Pythagorean Theorem!

9 May 2021

It’s been an “interesting” week – very cold for the time of year, the weather people keep telling me. I know! There’ve been a couple of fairly sunny days accompanied by a chill wind which makes stopping indoors and huddling in front of the fire probably the best idea. Still, I did get out on the road for a couple of rides, one in the delightful company of our Nick.