The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

9 May 2021 – Amusements

A little boy was waiting for his mother. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, “Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?”

The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right.”

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, “I’m the new pastor in town. I’d like you to come to church on Sunday. I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”

The little boy replied with a laugh; “You’re kidding me, right? You don’t even know the way to the Post Office.”

Whew, it’s been a chilly, chilly week, especially after the relative balminess of the week before. The frostiest April in 60 years, so the BBC tells me. We’ve had a bit of rain but we need more – lots of showers about but most of them seem to have evaded our back garden. I just hope the frost doesn’t whack the blossom on the fruit trees.

2 May 2021 – Amusements

I came home one night and my wife was crying.

I said, “What’s wrong?”

She said, “I’m home sick.”

I said, “But, this IS your home.”

“I know,” she replied, “and I’m sick of it!”

25 April 2021

It’s been a pretty decent week. Some lovely sunny skies, fresh in the mornings but not altogether unpleasant as the sun warms things up. The blossom’s on the trees in the orchard, the tulips are showing nicely, the aubrietia round the patio is lovely, the forget-me-nots are springing up demanding that you don’t forget them and Penelope’s woodland garden is already looking splendid with lots more to come! Isn’t spring a magnificently exciting time of year?

25 April 2021 – Amusements

A couple are having marital difficulties, and the wife suggests they see a marriage counsellor. At their first session the counsellor asks the couple to explain to each other how they feel about their marriage.

The wife says: “We are at a crossroads. To the left is bitterness, resentment, divorce and a life of unhappiness. To the right is reconciliation, love and lifelong happiness.”

The husband says: “I think you’ll find that’s a T-junction.”

18 April 2021

It’s been mainly cold bordering on Arctic-like for much of the week although when the sun does break through the clouds the warmth it imparts could persuade you that spring cannot be far away. Even so, we’ve had snow flurries this week on a couple of occasions for goodness’ sake and a neighbour shared the following photograph of a frozen stack of water on Brook Street in the village.

18 April 2021 – Amusements

A 55 year old man who was born on May 5, has been married 5 years, has 5 children, makes $55,555.55 a year, and trusts the number 5.

One day a friend informs the man that a horse named Lucky 5 will be running in the fifth race at the local track that evening. Excitedly, the man withdraws 5,555.00 cash from his bank account, goes to the races and bets on Lucky 5.

Sure enough, the horse comes in fifth.

11 April 2021

Wow! What an exciting week. As mentioned briefly last time, we had our first post “irreversible” unlockdown catch-up with Nick, Lucy and Annabelle on Saturday and Adam, Ava and Jessie on Sunday. The weather wasn’t great – too bad as we had to spend all of it out of doors! Cold and overcast on Saturday, cold but at least intermittently sunny on Sunday.

11 April 2021 – Amusements

A one dollar bill met a 50 dollar bill and said, “Hey, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you around here much.”

The fifty answered, “I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff.

“How about you?”

The one dollar bill said, “You know, same old thing . . . strip club, strip club, church.”

4 April 2021

Hurray! It’s all over. We’ve entered the first phase of the “irreversible” unlocking of life in the UK, the first steps on the road to recovery and the sunlight uplands of post-Brexit global Britain! I hope their “irreversible” unlocking doesn’t go the same way as the “world-beating” Test and Trace or the “world-beating” Covid tracking app.

Fingers crossed, I guess?