The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

According to a new study, American fathers are spending more than twice the amount of time with their children than they used to. Experts say it’s due to a sweeping new trend called ‘unemployment. Continue reading “2 August 2020 – Amusements”

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He Got into the taxi, and said, “Perfect timing. You’re just Like Andy.”

Cabbie: “Who?”

Passenger: “Andy Sullivan. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like your coming along when I needed a cab, things happen like that to Andy Sullivan, every single time.”

Cabbie: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

Passenger: “Not Andy Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”

Cabbie: “Sounds like he was something really special.”

Passenger: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Andy Sullivan, he could do everything right.”

Cabbie: “Wow. Some guy then.”

Passenger: “Yep, and he really knew how to treat a woman. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Andy Sullivan.”

Cabbie: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”

Passenger: “Well, I never actually met Andy. He died. I’m married to his damned widow.” Continue reading “26 July 2020 – Amusements”

In Virginia recently, a computer crash wiped out a decade’s worth of U.S. military data. However, this morning, the Chinese government called and said no problem, we backed it up. Continue reading “12 July 2020 – Amusements”

The company my brother worked for had a phone system that rerouted after-hours calls. If any calls came in on a certain line while he was working late, Dave knew it would be a wrong number. It got to the point where as soon as the phone rang, Dave would pick up and say, “Psychic Hotline. I’m sorry, but you’ve dialled the wrong number.”

The caller would often reply with something like, “But I didn’t even ask to speak to anyone yet. How did you know I dialled the wrong…. Oh!” (Click.) Continue reading “5 July 2020 – Amusements”

“What’s your father’s occupation?” asked the school secretary on the first day of the new academic year.

“He’s a magician, ma’am” said Little Johnny.

“How interesting. What’s his favourite trick?”

“He saws people in half.”

“Wow! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?”

“One half brother and two half-sisters.” Continue reading “28 June 2020 – Amusements”