The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

A weathered farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their Silver wedding anniversary. ‘Let’s kill a pig and have a big BBQ party, Homer,’ she suggested.’

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. ‘Gee, Ethel,’ he finally answered, ‘I don’t see why the pig should suffer for something that happened 25 years ago.'” Continue reading “28 April 2019 – Amusements”

Two resident doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart. “What’s all this about?” asked the consultant angrily.

“It’s the tax auditor in C ward,” said one. “He’s only got 2 days to live.”

“He had to be told.” said the second doctor.

“I know,” said the first, “but I wanted to be the one to tell him!” Continue reading “21 April 2019 – Amusements”

I’ve often said this about our boys.

At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children’s world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a year-long research project in India.

One co-worker’s quip, however, stopped me short. “What is it about you,” he asked, “that makes your kids want to get so far away from you?” Continue reading “14 April 2019 – Amusements”

At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that a test for a canine’s disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner’s face or show concern.

Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up, clutched my heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor.

The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other and raced to the coffee table for my pizza. Continue reading “7 April 2019 – Amusements”

Had it before? Almost certainly . . .

During the banquet celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?” an anonymous voice yelled from the back of the room.

Tom responded, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self-restraint, meekness, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t need if you had stayed single.” Continue reading “31 March 2019 – Amusements”