The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

16 April 2017 – Amusements

Even though we’ve had this one before, it seems particularly appropriate in these wacky political times in which we find ourselves:

Five surgeons are having drinks together at a surgical convention and making jokes.

The first, a Florida surgeon, says: “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The second, a Michigan surgeon, responds: “Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside of them is color coded.”

The third, a California surgeon, says: “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside of them is in alphabetical order.”

The fourth, a New York surgeon, chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.”

But the fifth, from Washington D.C. shut them all up when he observed, “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no brains, no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.” Continue reading “16 April 2017 – Amusements”

9 April 2017

What a great week we’ve had! Not only has the weather been gorgeous – beautiful spring days with warm sunshine, scattered clouds and largely blue skies – but we’ve also had an excuse to undertake a few outings and especially to enjoy the company of some splendid guests. Continue reading “9 April 2017”

9 April 2017 – Amusements

A local charity had never received a donation from the town’s banker, so the director made a phone call. “Our records show you make $500,000 a year, yet you haven’t given a penny to charity,” the director began. “Wouldn’t you like to help the community?”

The banker replied, “Did your research show that my mother is ill, with extremely expensive medical bills?”

“Um, no,” mumbled the director.

“Or that my brother is unemployed? Or that my sister’s husband left, leaving her broke with four kids?”

“I … I … I had no idea.”

“So,” said the banker, “if I don’t give them any money, why would I give any to you?” Continue reading “9 April 2017 – Amusements”

2 April 2017

So much to rant about and so little time! It’s finally come to this – we’ve been well and truly, utterly and completely Brexited! Rather like a fish being filleted by a blind, deaf mute with a dull knife – it’s difficult to accurately anticipate the mess that is going to emerge but whatever it is, it will be ugly.

2 April 2017 – Amusements

My sister explained to my nephew how his voice would eventually change as he grew up.

Tyler was exuberant at the prospect.

“Cool!” he said. “I hope I get a German accent.” Continue reading “2 April 2017 – Amusements”

26 March 2017

You are all familiar, I imagine, with the expression that one waits for ages for a bus and then three come along at once? That’s rather like our social calendar this past week – we’ve waited and waited and waited for friends and neighbours to invite us for a meal and then we receive three invitations for the same week!

26 March 2017 – Amusements

A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.

“Mom,” said the boy, “what are all those women doing?”

“They’re waiting for their husbands to get off work,” she replied.

The taxi driver turns around and says, “Geez lady, why don’t you tell him the truth? They’re hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money.”

The little boy’s eyes get wide and he says, “Is that true Mom?”

His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers “Yes.”

After a few minutes the kid asks, “Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?”

She said, “Most of them become taxi drivers.” Continue reading “26 March 2017 – Amusements”

19 March 2017

What a splendid weekend we had last weekend – Bubble came for an overnighter which is always a blast, albeit somewhat exhausting for those of us who are not used to the continual presence and energy of young children. We played games, we read stories, we drew pictures, we played the supreme pie face challenge and then, after lunch, we did more of the same! On Sunday we ventured out to the chaos and cacophony that is the Spiceball Leisure Centre’s swimming pool – my goodness, can young children shriek! and in the echoing confines of the tiled surfaces it wasn’t long before my ears were bleeding. Continue reading “19 March 2017”

19 March 2017 – Amusements

I think we may have had this before . . .

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: “An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in a ‘compromising position.'”

“See, I have a problem with that passion business,” responded the jury candidate. “During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him.” Continue reading “19 March 2017 – Amusements”

12 March 2017

More wind and rain but I guess that’s what is meant by “March comes in like a lion, and goes out like a lamb.” Let’s hope the lamb part turns out to be true.

We did have a goodish afternoon last Saturday so we decided, as we sometimes do, to take a stride across the countryside. When we had the dogs, of course, we were out striding every day, morning and afternoon, sunshine or rain and fine it was too. Now though, when the weather outside is howling and sheeting it down with sleet and stinging rain, it’s much more pleasant to sit by the fire and put the world to rights.