19 February 2017 – Amusements

On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them.

“What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?” I joked.

“It would go out,” he replied very matter-of-factly.

“Really?” I asked, surprised to hear that. “Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?”

“No,” my co-worker continued. “The force from the explosion would most likely blow it out.” Continue reading “19 February 2017 – Amusements”

12 February 2017 – Amusements

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They are appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?” Continue reading “12 February 2017 – Amusements”

5 February 2017

I’m delighted to report that Lady Penelope has all but recovered from her recent cold, cough, and chest maladies. Thank you to all those who sent good wishes. She’s nearly back to her original self and, once again, an increasingly frequent visitor to the gym. During her confinement she very kindly passed on to me a very minor version of the original but since I do not have any asthmatic tendencies, my own confinement was short and sweet.

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5 February 2017 – Amusements

Once upon a time in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up.

However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done. “Honey,” my Dad finally said one day, “why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was ‘forgive and forget.'”

“It is,” she said. “I just don’t want you to forget that I’ve forgiven and forgotten.” Continue reading “5 February 2017 – Amusements”

29 January 2017

Ooh, it’s been a rough week for Ms Playchute. She’s spent another couple of days in bed this week with a chesty cough and congested lungs, all of which exasperated her asthma. It’s the Queen’s “cold” apparently which kept her (the Queen, not Penelope) out of action over much of the holiday period. It’s doing the rounds, it seems, as several of our neighbours have been afflicted in a similar manner. She’s on the mend (fingers crossed) thanks to the antibiotics and steroids. Continue reading “29 January 2017”

29 January 2017 – Amusements

My friend Kimberly announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.

“Good!” I exclaimed. “I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. When I feel the urge to go out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first.”

“Great!” she replied. “I’ll ride with you.” Continue reading “29 January 2017 – Amusements”

22 January 2017

So now we know. Teresa May outlined her priorities for negotiating Britain’s exit from the European Union in a speech on Tuesday. As we suspected, her main priority is for the UK to have full control over immigration, i.e., an end to the right of EU citizens to live and work in the UK and, presumably, an end to the right of UK citizens to live and work abroad although they haven’t received the same attention (I wonder why?) as those smelly, foreigners who come over here, steal our jobs, steal our housing, steal our national health service and steal our women! In other words, the most important aspect of what will be our new relationship with the EU is based on pandering to the racist element in the Tory party and the loony Brexiteers rather than considering the appalling damage that will ensue when the UK withdraws from the single market. As one commentator put it,

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