We’ve had it before and it’s not even remotely topical, but I still like it:
A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party.
The day of the party the wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and messed around.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”
Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”
He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell you… the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!”
This was sent to me by our friend Julie in Australia . . .
The Cupboard
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, ‘Dark in here…’
The man says, ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy – ‘I have a football.’
Man – ‘That’s nice.’
Boy – ‘Want to buy it?’
Man – ‘No, thanks.’
Boy – ‘My dad’s outside.’
Man – ‘OK, how much?’
Boy – ‘£150’
A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.
Boy – ‘Dark in here.’
Man – ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy – ‘I have football boots.’
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, ‘How much?’
Boy – ‘£250’
Man – ‘Sold.’
A few days later, the boys’ father says to the boy, ‘Grab your boots and football, let’s go outside and have a game of soccer.
The boy says, ‘I can’t, I’ve sold my ball and boots.’
The father asks, ‘How much did you sell them for?’
Boy – ‘£400’
The father says, ‘That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.’
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, ‘Dark in here.’
The priest says, ‘Don’t start that again, you little bastard! You’re in MY cupboard now.’
A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
“We need a fourth for poker,” said the friend. “I’ll be right over,” whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?”
“Oh yes, quite serious,” said the doctor gravely. “In fact, three doctors are there already!”