Son: Dad, I want to get married.
Father: First, tell me you’re sorry.
Son: For what?
Father: Say sorry.
Son: But for what? What did I do?
Father: Just say sorry.
Son: But…what have i done wrong?
Father: Say sorry!
Son: WHY?
Father: Say sorry!!
Son: Please, just tell me why?
Father: Say sorry!!!
Son: OK, Dad…I’m sorry!
Father: There! You’re finished training. When you learn to say sorry for no reason at all, then you’re ready to get married!
A young man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married.
He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 girls and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, “Okay Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.”
She immediately replies, “The one on the right.”
“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?”
The mother replies, “I don’t like her.”
A husband and his wife had a fight.
The wife called her mother and told her the whole story. “He fought with me again. I am going to teach him a lesson and I am coming to stay with you.”
“No dear,” the mother replies, “he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to stay with you!”
RED SKELTON’S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
- Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
- We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
- I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
- I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
- We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
- She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.
- My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”
- She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
- She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”
- Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
- I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was ‘Always’.
- I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
- The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!”