Author: Greg

Recently, I bought a cartridge for my printer. It came in a box mounted on a card and wrapped in plastic. When I took it apart, I found that the printer cartridge itself was actually quite small, but they made the packaging unnecessarily large to make it harder to steal and to make the customer feel better about the high price.

I pointed this out to my wife and mentioned how my weight gain over the years of our marriage should have the same effect: It made me seem more valuable and also made me harder for other women to steal.

She’s still laughing.

Continue reading “3 September 2023 – Amusements”

A mother and father were chatting with their eight-year-old son about his future. The youngster said he’d like to attend Cornell, as his parents and other members of the family had. Pleased with his response, they pressed on. “What would you like to take when you attend college?” they asked the little boy.

After giving it some thought and glancing around the kitchen, he replied, “The refrigerator, if you can get along without it.”

Continue reading “27 August 2023 – Amusements”

One day Pinocchio came to Gepetto with a problem.

“Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters. What can I do about this?”

“Have you tried sandpaper?” Pinocchio hadn’t, so he went to try it.

“Pinocchio,” said Gepetto a few weeks later. “How did the problem work out with your girlfriend?”

Pinocchio replied, “Who needs a girlfriend when you have sandpaper?”

Continue reading “20 August 2023 – Amusements”

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.”

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same: “You can have mine.”

Continue reading “23 July 2023 – Amusements”

“How was your game, dear?” asked Jack’s wife Tracy.

“Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight’s gotten so bad I couldn’t see where the ball went,” he answered.

“But you’re 75 years old, Jack!” admonished his wife, “Why don’t you take my brother Scott along?”

“But he’s 85 and doesn’t play golf anymore,” protested Jack.

“But he’s got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you,” Tracy pointed out.

The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. “Do you see it?” asked Jack.

“Yup,” Scott answered.

“Well, where is it?” yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.

“I forgot.”

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After a lady’s car had leaked motor oil on her cement driveway, she bought a large bag of cat litter to soak it up. It worked so well, that she went back to the store to get another bag to finish the job. The clerk remembered her. Looking thoughtfully at her purchase, he said, “Lady, if that were my cat, I’d put him outside!”

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I was unhappy with my job, so I submitted my resignation. I was sure I’d have no trouble finding a new position, because there was a shortage of people with my skill. I emailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers, attaching a copy of my resume to each one. Weeks later, I was dismayed and bewildered that I hadn’t received even one request for an interview. Finally I received a response that explained it all: “Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, however, want to thank you for the vegetable lasagna recipe.”

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