Greg – Page 46 – The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

13 February 2022 – Amusements

This from my friend Julie:

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, “Did Santa get you that?”

“Yes,” replies the little girl.

“Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!” and fines her £5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, “Nice horse you’ve got there, did Santa bring you that?”

The cop chuckles and replies, “He sure did!”

“Well,” says the little girl, “Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!”

Oh, my goodness it got cold at the weekend. Friday morning, we had sleet and snippets of snow and although it’s been mainly sunny since there’s been a bitterly biting north wind. Still, temperatures have remained above freezing and for that, I suppose, we should be grateful.

6 February 2022 – Amusements

A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, “Hey, you gave me the wrong change!”

“Sir, you stepped away from the counter,” said the cashier. “We don’t make corrections after you leave. There’s nothing I can do about it now. That’s the policy of this bank.”

“Well, ok,” answered the customer. “Just thought you’d like to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye.”

30 January 2022

Another week has flown by. It’s been cloudy and grey for much of the time but the tail end of the week brought some nice sunshine and relatively decent temperatures. Today, as I glance out the window on to the Upper Green, it is sunny with blue skies and the weather people tell me that the afternoon temperature will be a perfectly acceptable 7^o C (45^o F). Thankfully, we’ve endured nothing like the -27^o Fahrenheit (-32.8^o C) my sister-in-law reported from their lovely ice box in New Hampshire the other day! Whoa – that’s cold!

30 January 2022 – Amusements

Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher.

I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately.

“You see where they’re smoothing that cement?” he replied. “I just threw my wife’s credit cards in there.”

23 January 2022

It’s been a good(ish) week. We had another movie night, produced one of the better examples of Greg’s Award-Winning Sourdough bread, had an excellent visit from a very old friend (i.e., she’s been a friend for a very long time, not that she is old) and experienced the joy of having an exquisitely clean oven! How exciting is that?

23 January 2022 – Amusements

A 17-year-old girl came home with five job applications. She carefully filled them out, and later asked her mother to look them over.

All the answers were clear and concise and she noticed that on all five applications, under “Previous Employment”, she had listed “Baby-sitting”.

But then she read, under “Reason for Leaving” her daughter had answered, “Parents came home.”

16 January 2022

It’s been a pretty decent week. We’ve avoided much of the fog and freezing mist which had been predicted and instead have enjoyed generally bright clear skies with frosts in the mornings. “Fresh” to be sure but not bad.

16 January 2022 – Amusements

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

9 January 2022

Well, we’ve finally had a spot of cold weather – we awoke on Thursday morning to what is known in the trade as a “hard frost.” The landscape on the other side of the windows shimmered with a white frosting and the temperature had, allegedly, dipped to -5^o C overnight (23^o F). As I said last time, I am old enough not to miss the cold temperatures and snow but, so far, this “winter” has been very disconcerting – it was 16^o C (almost 61^o F) on New Year’s Day for goodness’ sake! We have nice summer days that don’t get that warm.