Greg – Page 6 – The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

3 May 2026 – Amusements

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.

The old farmer said, “Well, as I see it, most politicians are ‘Post Tortoises’.”

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a ‘post tortoise’ was.

The old farmer said, “When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top, that’s a post tortoise.”

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor’s face so he continued to explain. “You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he doesn’t belong up there, he doesn’t know what to do while he’s up there, he’s elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up there to begin with.”

26 April 2026

It’s been another fine week. We’ve had glorious sunshine for most of the week with reasonably tolerable temperatures – it got up to 21^o on Friday (almost 70^o F) although the wind has made it feel a bit fresher. The bi-fold doors have been swung open and the solar panels are working overtime!

26 April 2026 – Amusements

Sue phones her husband at work, “Dan, do you have time for a chat?”

“Sorry, darling, this is not a good time – I’m about to go into a board meeting.”

“But this won’t take long,” Sue says, “I just want to tell you some good news and some bad news.”

“I really haven’t the time,” says Dan, “so just quickly tell me the good news.”

“Oh, all right then, the good news is that the airbag on your brand new Mercedes works very well.”

19 April 2026

Another great and busy week! And, we don’t have any visitors – how can we still be busy now that all of our houseguests have gone?

19 April 2026 – Amusements

I was walking through the woods the other day when I came across a suitcase lying on the ground. When I opened it I discovered three fox cubs. I immediately rang the local animal rescue centre to get some advice.

“Are the fox cubs moving?” the person on the telephone asked.

“I’m not sure,” I replied, “but that would explain the suitcase.”

12 April 2026

It’s been another great and busy week – what are the chances of that? We’ve had family walks, family dinners, a theatre outing, a visit to Coton Manor and generally just a marvellously great time. And the weather has been even better than “decent” – warm and sunny most of the time.

12 April 2026 – Amusements

A lawyer had recently undergone some major surgery at his local hospital. When he awoke after the surgery he noticed that the curtains were drawn and he was unable to see out the window.

He asked the nurse attending him why the curtains were drawn.

The nurse replied, “Well, the building on the other side of the street is on fire and we didn’t want you to wake up and think that the surgery had been unsuccessful.”

5 April 2026

It’s been a great and busy week! Ben, Brex-Anna and Max arrived last Saturday for Spring Break and it’s been full-on ever since. They’re parked up in a lovely little cottage in the village of Eydon, just up the road and we’ve had a number of get-togethers and outings with more to come.

5 April 2026 – Amusements

This originally came from my father some years ago.

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

“Miss Beatrice”, he said, “I wonder if you would tell me about this?” pointing to the bowl.

“Oh, yes,” she replied, “Isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.

“Do you know I haven’t had the flu all winter?”

29 March 2026

It’s been a pretty meh kind of week – the weather wasn’t great but it wasn’t terrible – a bit of rain, a bit of sun, some cold days, some not so cold days. And, to continue in that vein, our week has been pretty meh as well. Dropped the campervan over for its annual service and inspection, had a visit from the plumber to resolve a couple of relatively minor issues and collected the van again. Wow! The excitement has been positively underwhelming.