Category: Amusements

A young couple honeymooning in Las Vegas were down to their last two dollars. The groom told the bride that he had a feeling that he could turn the two bucks into a fortune if he went down to the casino alone.

Once in the casino, he put one dollar each into two slot machines and won Jackpots on both totalling $10,000. He then played blackjack for an hour until he had $50,000 in chips. Next, he played poker and upped his winnings to $100,000.

He was about to cash in his chips when he got a hunch that his luck hadn’t run out. So he took all his money and placed it on Black at the roulette table, hoping to double his money. But the ball came up Red. He returned to his hotel room.

“How did you do?” asked the bride.

The groom shrugged and said, “I lost two dollars.” Continue reading “8 April 2018 – Amusements”

A lady moved from Phoenix to Seattle and when she arrived it was raining. While she moved in, it rained. The next day it rained, and the next, and then the next.

After several rainy days, while standing on her porch, she noticed a young boy on the porch of her neighbor’s house. Trying not to sound too depressed, in a cheerful voice she called over to the lad, “Hi son, I’m your new neighbor.”

“Hi,” the boy called back and waved.

“Say, son, does it ever stop raining here?” she asked.

With a look of consternation, the youngster replied, “Lady, how would I know? I’m only six years old!” Continue reading “1 April 2018 – Amusements”

Bad weather meant I was stuck overnight at O’Hare airport in Chicago. Along with hotel accommodations, the airline issued each passenger a $10 meal ticket, or “chit.” That evening after dinner I presented my meal ticket to the cashier.

“Is this chit worth $10?” I asked.

Looking up nervously, the cashier responded, “I’m sorry, sir. Was the meal really that bad?” Continue reading “25 March 2018 – Amusements”

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I welcome you into the family!” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operation.”

The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”

“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”

“I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk.”

“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half owner of a money-making industry, but you don’t like factories, and won’t work in an office. What am I going to do with you?”

“Easy,” said the son-in-law. “Buy me out.” Continue reading “18 March 2018 – Amusements”

A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-teller’s tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down.

“Ah…..” said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. “I see you are the father of two children.”

“That’s what you think”, the man laughed. “I’m the father of THREE children.”

The woman grinned and said, “That’s what YOU think!” Continue reading “11 March 2018 – Amusements”

In a small business office they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words.

Early one Monday the secretary was reviewing the weekend messages and she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her name and address and then confidently offer, “My difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N.” Continue reading “4 March 2018 – Amusements”

It’s the day before Thanksgiving and the butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on the door. “Please let me in,” says the man, “I forgot to buy a turkey and my wife will kill me if I don’t come home with one.”

“Okay,” says the butcher. “Let me see what’s left.” He goes into the freezer and discovers that there’s only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

“That one’s too skinny. What else have you got”? says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes then brings the same turkey back out to the man.

“Oh no,” says the man, “that one doesn’t look any better. You better give me both of them.” Continue reading “25 February 2018 – Amusements”

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband’s two.

Suspecting the worse, she reaches for an extra pillow and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can, letting her anger and frustration out. Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

He says, “Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?” Continue reading “18 February 2018 – Amusements”

My husband and I took our two-year-old daughter to the home-improvement store.

Madison got tired of walking, so my husband let her ride on his shoulders. As he walked, Madison began pulling his hair. Although he asked her to stop several times, she kept on.

Getting annoyed, he scolded, “Madison! Stop that!”

“But, Daddy,” she replied, “I’m just trying to get my gum back.” Continue reading “11 February 2018 – Amusements”

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours to begin with.

But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn’t appear to realise that you had set it free…. you either married it or gave birth to it. Continue reading “4 February 2018 – Amusements”