The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

The Texas preacher rose with an angry red face, saying, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor in the church that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie, and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.”

The entire congregation was completely silent.

“Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family.” No one moved.

The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me in front of your brethren and admit that this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel wonderful. Now please stand and confess your transgression.” Again all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic, rose from the third pew. The preacher was visibly shaken when he saw her rise.

“You, Miss Johnson?!”

Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke. “Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding,” she began, clearly not wanting to make her confession in front of everyone. “I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told one of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets!”

Continue reading “14 December 2025 – Amusements”

On her first day at the retirement home the new manager addressed all the seniors highlighting her most important rule: “The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males and, likewise, the male dormitory will be out-of-bounds to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.”

She continued. “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60 and, if you’re caught a third time it will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?”

At this point, an older lady named Kathy stood up in the crowd and inquired “How much is it for a season ticket?”

Continue reading “7 December 2025 – Amusements”

The Black Bra

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I, the third one, have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here’s how it all went.

My engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos, and a mask. He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams…! love you!’ Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress: ‘Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we made wild love all night.

Then I had to share my story: ‘When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said, “What’s for dinner, Zorro?”

Continue reading “30 November 2025 – Amusements”

Not sure if these are real but it wouldn’t surprise me. The comments are not mine.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (And that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (And that would be how???….)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestion: Defrost.”(But, it’s “just” a suggestion).
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): “Do not turn upside down.”(Well… .Duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.”(… And you thought????…)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.”(But wouldn’t this save me more time?)
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (And… I’m taking this because???….)
On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.”(As opposed to… what?)
On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use.”(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts.” (Talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” (Step 3: maybe, uh… fly Delta?)
On a child’s superman costume: “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.” (… Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Continue reading “23 November 2025 – Amusements”

40 YEARS OF MARRIAGE

A married couple in their EARLY 60’s were celebrating their 40th Wedding Anniversary in a quiet and romantic restaurant. Suddenly a tiny, yet beautiful, fairy appeared on their table. She said, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.”

The wife answered, “Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.”

The fairy waved her magic wand and – POOF – two tickets for the Queen Mary I! appeared in her hands. The fairy turned to the husband and asked him what he would like for his wish. The husband thought for a minute, “Well, this is all romantic, but this type of opportunity may never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.”

The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and – POOF – the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female AND females stick together.

Continue reading “16 November 2025 – Amusements”