The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

3 April 2022 – Amusements

A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.

“I’ll be right back with some water,” the doctor tells him.

The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.

Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. “Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes.”

27 March 2022

It’s been a splendid week. The weather has been pretty much excellent – clear(ish) blue skies and warm temperatures with lots of lovely sunshine. As my alter ego Larry David would say, it’s been pretty, pretty, pretty good.

27 March 2022 – Amusements

We had a neighbour hammering on our door at 3 am last night. 3 AM! Can you believe it?

Luckily, I was already up playing the bagpipes.

20 March 2022

Well, it’s been a decent enough week. The weather has been (mainly) pleasant – warm and sunny, apart from the daylong downpour on Wednesday. Spring feels tantalisingly close! Or, at least the blossoms in the garden would suggest so.

20 March 2022 – Amusements

A park ranger in the Everglades was making his rounds a couple of summers ago when a woman came bolting out of the weeds right in front of his truck. She seemed frantic and he finally got her calm enough to say that her five-year-old son was sitting on the back of an alligator.

Now the ranger was frantic. Running in the direction she was pointing he found the lad astride a twelve-foot male alligator which was trying to relieve itself of its load by twisting and snapping. As the brave ranger moved in, he tried to console the mother by saying, “I think I can grab the boy and move away before the gator moves. Be ready to grab your son. I may have to shoot the gator.”

To which the lady replies “Good Heavens, no! Don’t shoot him. I just wanted you to make him hold still for a minute so I could take my son’s picture on his back.”

13 March 2022

Those of you of a sensitive disposition might wish to avert your eyes now. This post will, unfortunately, include several references to the “C” word. And, I am not talking about our incompetently inept government, although the “C” word would certainly apply to most members of the cabinet and especially to the prime minister. No. This is the week that Covid arrived in our household!

13 March 2022 – Amusements

A Moscow man turns up at a newsstand and buys a newspaper. He glances at the front page and throws it away.

The next day he turns up and buys another newspaper. He glances at the front page and throws it away. The next day, same thing. And again, day after day.

Finally, the newspaper seller asks, “Why do you buy a newspaper every day, glance at the front page and then throw it away?”

“Oh, I’m looking for an obituary.”

“But the obituaries aren’t even on the front page!” the newspaper seller says.

“Oh, the one I’m looking for will be.”

6 March 2022

It’s been a great week! Apart from the weather. We’ve had visitors visit, ventured out on a couple of outings and consumed copious quantities of food. What could be better than that? Perhaps the weather could have been better.

6 March 2022 – Amusements

A man went to the movies and was surprised to find a woman with a large collie sitting in front of him. Even more amazing was the fact that the dog always laughed in the right places through the comedy.

“Excuse me,” the man said to the woman, “but I think it’s astounding that your dog enjoys the movie so much.”

“I’m surprised myself,” she replied. “He hated the book.”

27 February 2022

It’s been a wild, windy, wet and wonderful week. Five storms worthy of being allocated names in about ten days – it doesn’t get much better than that. Unless, of course, one considers the “wonderful” bit – the arrival at the end of last week of Julieta.