The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

27 February 2022 – Amusements

We’ve had this before but what the heck . . .

A young couple honeymooning in Las Vegas were down to their last two dollars. The groom told the bride that he had a feeling that he could turn the two bucks into a fortune if he went down to the casino alone.

Once in the casino, he put one dollar each into two slot machines and won Jackpots on both totalling $10,000. He then played blackjack for an hour until he had $50,000 in chips. Next, he played poker and upped his winnings to $100,000.

He was about to cash in his chips when he got a hunch that his luck hadn’t run out. So, he took all his money and placed it on Black at the roulette table, hoping to double his money. But the ball came up Red. He returned to his hotel room.

“How did you do?” asked the bride.

The groom shrugged and said, “I lost two dollars.”

20 February 2022

Wow – that was a “wild and stormy night.” We’ve been battered by storms over the past few days – storm Eunice arrived seemingly about thirty seconds after storm Dudley departed. At this rate they are going to run out of names soon. Lashings and lashings of rain, gale force winds – the Met Office issued a rare Red Warning – danger of loss of life from flying debris, apparently.

20 February 2022 – Amusements

The banana loaf I was making was in the oven when my 16-year-old came into the kitchen where the family had gathered.

“That bread smells about done don’t you think, Mom?” he asked.

I told him I had set the timer and it still had five minutes.

A little later he repeated his suggestion. “Mom, I really think that loaf is done. Maybe you should check it.”

Always quick to come to my defence, my 13-year-old son said, “Eddie, Mom’s been burning that banana bread for 20 years now. I think she knows when to take it out.”

13 February 2022

Another week! Every week that passes we march steadily towards Spring and warmer weather. Excellent! It’s been a good week – we even had two outings!

13 February 2022 – Amusements

This from my friend Julie:

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, “Did Santa get you that?”

“Yes,” replies the little girl.

“Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!” and fines her £5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, “Nice horse you’ve got there, did Santa bring you that?”

The cop chuckles and replies, “He sure did!”

“Well,” says the little girl, “Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!”

6 February 2022

Oh, my goodness it got cold at the weekend. Friday morning, we had sleet and snippets of snow and although it’s been mainly sunny since there’s been a bitterly biting north wind. Still, temperatures have remained above freezing and for that, I suppose, we should be grateful.

6 February 2022 – Amusements

A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, “Hey, you gave me the wrong change!”

“Sir, you stepped away from the counter,” said the cashier. “We don’t make corrections after you leave. There’s nothing I can do about it now. That’s the policy of this bank.”

“Well, ok,” answered the customer. “Just thought you’d like to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye.”

30 January 2022

Another week has flown by. It’s been cloudy and grey for much of the time but the tail end of the week brought some nice sunshine and relatively decent temperatures. Today, as I glance out the window on to the Upper Green, it is sunny with blue skies and the weather people tell me that the afternoon temperature will be a perfectly acceptable 7^o C (45^o F). Thankfully, we’ve endured nothing like the -27^o Fahrenheit (-32.8^o C) my sister-in-law reported from their lovely ice box in New Hampshire the other day! Whoa – that’s cold!

30 January 2022 – Amusements

Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher.

I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately.

“You see where they’re smoothing that cement?” he replied. “I just threw my wife’s credit cards in there.”

23 January 2022

It’s been a good(ish) week. We had another movie night, produced one of the better examples of Greg’s Award-Winning Sourdough bread, had an excellent visit from a very old friend (i.e., she’s been a friend for a very long time, not that she is old) and experienced the joy of having an exquisitely clean oven! How exciting is that?