The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

29 March 2026 – Amusements

A woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you steal?” She replied: “a can of peaches.” The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 5. The judge then said, “I will give you 5 days in jail.”

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman’s husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. The judge said, “What is it?”

The husband said, “She also stole a can of peas.”

22 March 2026

It’s been a pretty decent sort of week – sunshine! We had clear and sunny skies most of the week with tolerably acceptable temperatures. Indeed, we got up to 19^o on Tuesday (about 66^o Fahrenheit). So warm and sunny that we had to open the bi-fold doors! Scorcio!

22 March 2026 – Amsuements

As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table.

One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes.

To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his wife “What’s up with all the bills?”

To which his wife replies, “Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are.”

15 March 2026

It’s been a week. The weather’s been mixed, some nice sunny spells and some cold and biting wind. Indeed, a howling gale one night but thankfully, not too much rain. Penelope’s croquet lawn has had two mowings already! This is way too early to start that grinding routine. And, it goes on forever! Damn this climate change.

15 March 2026 – Amusements

Up in Yorkshire

A rugby league fan is drinking in a Yorkshire bar, when he gets a call on his mobile phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the rugby fan just shrugs and replies, ‘That’s about average in Yorkshire … like I said, my boy’s a typical Yorkshire baby boy. Gonna be a rugby league player.’ Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of ‘WOW!’ One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, ‘Say, aren’t you the father of that typical Yorkshire baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody’s been making bets about how big he’d be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?’

The proud father answers, ‘Twenty pounds.’ The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. ‘What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!’

The Yorkshireman takes a slow swig of his Samuel Smith’s Bitter Beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,

‘Had him circumcised…’

8 March 2026

Oops! Once again, no news is good news – we’re away (again) this weekend so not able to put anything meaningful together. A brief summary of this week’s activities will have to suffice. Sorry.

8 March 2026 – Amusements

My grandmother told me how she ended up marrying Grandpa. She was in her 20’s, and the man she was dating left for war. “We were in love,” she recalled, “and wrote to each other every week. It was during that time that I discovered how wonderful your grandfather was.”

“Did you marry Grandpa when he came home from the war?” I asked.

“Oh, I didn’t marry the man who wrote the letters. Your grandfather was the mailman.”

1 March 2026

It’s been a surprisingly half-decent week. I know! What are the chances of that? We had less rain this week (although there’s still plenty more than we need at the moment) and even a few spells of modest sunshine. I am assured by people who know about these sorts of things that Spring will eventually arrive.

1 March 2026 – Amusements

A first-grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She shares the joys of being a part of the greatest country in the world, and asks her students to raise their hands if they are or want to be American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

“Because I am not an American.” says Kristen.

“Then,” asks the teacher, “What are you?”

“I’m a proud Canadian,” boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian.

“Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I’m a Canadian too.

The teacher is now somewhat angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?”

A pause, and a smile. “Then,” says Kristen, “I’d be an American.”

22 February 2026

Another wet week – who could have imagined that there was this much water in the skies? We did have some sunshine on Tuesday but it didn’t last long, just long enough for folks to wander outside and scratch their heads in bewilderment at this strange atmospheric phenomenon. One of our lovely neighbours said the rain was supposed to continue for another month. You cannot be serious.