Happy Almost Groundhog Day. I hope your shadow does whatever you would want it to.
Continue reading “1 February 2026”1 February 2026 – Amusements
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon’s activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.
“Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house.
“Darling,” replied the man, “I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.”
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You liar! You’ve been playing golf!”
Continue reading “1 February 2026 – Amusements”25 January 2026
It’s been another busy, busy week – I still seem to be doing just about everything around here! It’s also been a pretty wet and miserable week – great! Soaking trousers and a soaking, smelly, muddy dog.
Continue reading “25 January 2026”25 January 2026 – Amusements
Two elderly residents of a Florida mobile home park, a widower and a widow, had been friendly acquaintances. One evening, during a community supper at the activity center, they ended up sitting across from each other. As the evening wore on, laughter and conversation flowed.
Encouraged by the moment, the widower summoned his courage and asked, “Will you marry me?”
The widow paused, her face thoughtful and then she smiled warmly. “Yes,” she said. “Yes, I will.”
They parted that night with hearts full of joy and spirits lifted, each looking forward to a new chapter in their lives.
But the next morning, the widower began to worry. Try as he might, he couldn’t remember her answer. Had she said yes? Or no? Nervous, he picked up the phone and called her.
“I’m so sorry,” he began. “My memory isn’t what it used to be. Last night, when I asked if you’d marry me . . . did you say ‘yes’ or ‘no’?”
The widow chuckled softly. “I said yes,” she replied, her voice filled with affection. “And I meant it with all my heart.”
Then, with a playful lilt in her tone, she added, “And I’m so glad you called, because I couldn’t remember who had asked me!”
Continue reading “25 January 2026 – Amusements”18 January 2026
It’s been a week. A busy, busy week to be sure. So busy that I feel like the proverbial one-armed wallpaper hanger my brother Steph is continually comparing himself to. It’s been a week of chemotherapy treatments for Nick, a “minor” surgical procedure for Lady Penelope which has meant that I have been providing most of the taxi services to get Annabelle to school in Warwick each day. Phew, I am going to have to take a nap.
Continue reading “18 January 2026”18 January 2026 – Amusements
We’ve had a variation of this first one before . . .
A man wearing a MAGA baseball cap was seated next to a woman on an airplane. He turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go more quickly if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The woman, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the man. “How about those children whose parents get them vaccinated becoming autistic.”
“Okay,” she said. “This could be an interesting topic but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”
The man, visibly surprised by the woman’s question, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the woman replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss science and medicine, when you don’t know shit?”
Continue reading “18 January 2026 – Amusements”11 January 2026
Oh my goodness, it’s been a bit “fresh” this week – freezing temperatures and even some snow! It’s made it a bit slippery on walks even though the frozen fields mean less or, in some cases, no mud on dog walks. Going up Plumpton Lane is a bit of an adventure but coming down even more so – an ice rink on a slope. Lovely.
Continue reading “11 January 2026”11 January 2026 – Amusements
Many patients call the pathology group where I am office manager to discuss their medical bills. One irate woman demanded that I describe every laboratory test on her statement.
Reluctantly, I complied. Starting with the first test on her bill. I read, “No. 1, urinalysis.”
She interrupted me at once. “I’m a what?”
4 January 2026
Happy New Year to all you lovely people! Our New Year celebrations were similar to those we’ve enjoyed over recent years – in bed by the time New Year arrived in Mauritius or the Maldives. Which would be nicer to visit on NYE do you think?
Continue reading “4 January 2026”4 January 2026 – Amusements
How to get to Heaven from Scotland
I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven. I asked them, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?”
“NO!” the children answered
“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?”
Again, the answer was ‘No!’
By now I was starting to smile. “Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?”
Again, they all answered ‘No!’
I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, “Then how can I get into heaven?”
A six year old boy shouted, “Ye got tae be fookin’ dead”
Continue reading “4 January 2026 – Amusements”