The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

31 December 2023

Oh, it’s been a wild, wet and windy week – we’ve been battered by Storm Gerrit. As always, the north got battered much more significantly than did we but I tell you – this wind and rain is getting pretty tedious.

31 December 2023 – Amusements

Not to brag but . . .

I just went into another room AND actually remembered what it was I went in there for.

Sure, it was the bathroom, but still . . .

24 December 2023

And a very Happy Christmas to you all! Don’t worry – it will be over before you know it!

24 December 2023 – Amusements

The Christmas tradition that is the story of the Lovable Louise:

17 December 2023

Wet, wet, wet. Wet. Wet. Wet. Mud, mud, mud, mud. We’ve had so much rain – the fields can’t take any more. When we tromp across the fields on our daily constitutionals with Miss Daisy the ground squelches, like a heavily saturated sponge. Squelch, squelch, squelch. Is this what we have to look forward to as the climate continues to change? Hot, dry summers and wet, wet, winters with fewer and fewer freezing days and lots of mud? Hmm, I think we better phase out those fossil fuels, guys.

17 December 2023 – Amusements

I originally had this from my father some time ago:

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I’d like to buy some cyanide.”

The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he explained, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband, that’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, “Well, why didn’t you tell me you had a prescription?”

10 December 2023

Neither “unseasonably warm” nor “unseasonably cold” this week. Just about seasonably seasonal, I guess. It has been a bit on the “fresh” side with lashings and lashings of rain. A few frosty mornings as well, which is great – Daisy only requires a quick rinse off. But, on those days when it is above freezing, we come home with a chocolate golden retriever and the poor girl has to stand under the freezing cold hose. Miserable.

10 December 2023 – Amusements

A man goes to the doctor and reports that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up,” the doctor says. “Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then, just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, “My goodness, Doc, exactly what’s my problem?”

Says the doctor, “You’re not drinking enough water.”

3 December 2023

Well, that transitioned in a heartbeat – we’re no longer “unseasonably warm” and have gone straight into “unseasonably cold” according to the weather people. Cold, frosty mornings with below-zero temperatures under occasionally clear, bright blue skies. The frosty mornings do mean less mud and grime on the dog when she returns from a stroll but it also means that the hose is frozen so washing up afterwards is a bit of a challenge.

3 December 2023 – Amusements

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.

Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

“I’m 90 years old,” he says.

“90!” replies the woman. “Don’t you realize you’ve had it?”

“Oh, I have?” says the old man. “I’m sorry. How much do I owe you?”