It’s been mainly “fresh” and wet and windy this week. Those kinds of days where it’s a joy to have a dog again so that one can trudge through the downpour and gale force winds twice a day. I met a neighbour walking her dog up Plumpton Lane the other day and I commented on how wet and miserable the weather was, “perfect for dog-walking,” I said. She agreed that it was miserable but went on to say she still wouldn’t be without her dog. I’m afraid she’s right.
Continue reading “27 November 2022”27 November 2022 – Amusements
After years of wondering why he didn’t look like his younger sister or brother, a young man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.
“Yes, you were son,” his mother said as she started to cry softly. “But it didn’t work out and they brought you back.”
Continue reading “27 November 2022 – Amusements”20 November 2022
It’s been a fresh week – the balmy, tropical temperatures of the last few weeks have at last given way to what might be considered more “normal” temperatures for this time of year. We had a goodly quantity of rain on Tuesday and brilliant lovely bright blue skies on Wednesday but definitely cooler, which is no bad thing. Mowing lawns in November is just not right.
Continue reading “20 November 2022”20 November 2022 – Amusements
Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other.
The first spaceman says, “The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based weapons.”
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, “Are they an emerging intelligence?”
The first spaceman says, “I don’t think so. They have them aimed at themselves.”
Continue reading “20 November 2022 – Amusements”13 November 2022
Yes, I think it’s fairly certain – Autumn is here. That’s not to say that we won’t get a heatwave sometime in the next week or so. But I hope the extensive lawn mowing I did during the week is the last for this season. What on earth are we doing having to mow lawns in November?
Continue reading “13 November 2022”13 November 2022 – Amusements
A man was marooned on a desert island for five years. One day a beautiful woman arrived in a wet suit.
“When did you last have a smoke?” she asked.
“Five years ago,” said the man.
She pulled a Cuban cigar out of her wet suit and he smoked it.
She unzipped her wet suit a bit and asked, “When did you last have a drink?”
“Five years ago,” he said.
She pulled a bottle of 20-year-old Scotch out of her wet suit and gave it to the man who had a drink.
She unzipped her wet suit a bit more and said, “And when was the last time you played around?”
The man looked at her in amazement. “You’re not telling me you’ve got a set of golf clubs in there?”
Continue reading “13 November 2022 – Amusements”6 November 2022
Autumn has definitely arrived. After a long, slow, extraordinarily mild to warm few weeks, temperatures have been dropping and the leaves have almost finished scattering themselves to the four corners of the garden. Even a touch of ground frost the other morning, I am told by our resident early morning dog walker. I do quite enjoy the fresh feel of a crisp autumn day but the increasingly early arrival of darkness is a drag.
Continue reading “6 November 2022”6 November 2022 – Amusements
Every Friday afternoon, a mathematician goes down to the bar, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which is empty, and asks a girl who isn’t there if he can buy her a drink.
The bartender, who is used to weird university types, always shrugs but keeps quiet. But when Valentine’s Day arrives, and the mathematician makes a particularly heart-wrenching plea into empty space, curiosity gets the better of the bartender, and he says, “I apologize for my stupid questions, but surely you know there is NEVER a woman sitting in that last stool. Why do you persist in asking out empty space?”
The mathematician replies, “Well, according to quantum physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear there.”
The bartender raises his eyebrows. “Really? Interesting. But couldn’t you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you could buy HER a drink? Never know –she might say yes.”
The mathematician laughs. “Yeah, right — how likely is THAT to happen?”
Continue reading “6 November 2022 – Amusements”30 October 2022
Apart from it being unseasonably mild, it’s been feeling and looking quite Autumnal this week. Some decent colour (or at least what passes for seasonal Autumn colour in these parts), rain and mud and wind. But, it is worryingly mild for the time of year (20o C, 68o F on Saturday).
Continue reading “30 October 2022”30 October 2022 – Amusements
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.
“What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?” asked the officer.
“I’m going to a lecture.”
“And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?” the cop asked.
“My wife.”
Continue reading “30 October 2022 – Amusements”