It’s been cold and frosty for the much of the week – clear blue skies and a good deal of sunshine. And relatively little mud on the dog. Excellent.
Continue reading “12 February 2023”Author: Greg
12 February 2023 – Amusements
As the stranger enters a country store, he spots a sign: “Danger! Beware of Dog!” Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep in the middle of the floor.
“Is that the dog we’re supposed to beware of?” he asks the owner.
“That’s him,” comes the reply.
“He doesn’t look dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?”
“‘Cause before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”
Continue reading “12 February 2023 – Amusements”5 February 2022
On the whole, a pretty decent week in which we seem to have been markedly busy. Date night, film night, Penny’s book club, a visit with a very dear friend. Oh, and a bit of time spent on the telephone dealing with two household mishaps. Hey ho, stops us getting bored, I guess.
Continue reading “5 February 2022”5 February 2022 – Amusements
On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the underground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them.
“What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?” I joked.
“It would go out,” he replied very matter-of-factly.
“Really?” I asked, surprised to hear that. “Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?”
“No,” my co-worker continued. “The force from the explosion would most likely blow it out.”
Continue reading “5 February 2022 – Amusements”29 January 2023
Another week, another Picayune – what are the chances of that? Some cold frosty weather to start the week followed by some less-frosty weather and mud. No real rain to speak of so that’s a bonus, I suppose.
Continue reading “29 January 2023”29 January 2023 – Amusements
A man and his friend were exiting a drugstore and at the front door there was a scale.
“Look, a scale,” the man said to his friend. “Let’s see how my new diet is working out.”
He stepped on the scale.
“I can’t believe it!” he said as he read the result. “I’ve been on this diet for two weeks but the scale says I’m heavier than I was before! How can that be?”
He pondered this as he stepped off the scale, then had a thought. He took off his jacket and handed it to his friend. “Here, hold my jacket,” he said.
The friend took the jacket as the man stepped back on the scale.
Not much change.
“Here,” he said as he handed his purchase from the drugstore to his friend. “Hold my Twinkies too.”
Continue reading “29 January 2023 – Amusements”22 January 2023
Well thank goodness – there’s been considerably less rain this week and the brook at the bottom of the appropriately named Brook Street has returned, more or less, to its pre-flood capacity. Instead of the rain we’ve had cold and frosty mornings with clear blue skies. Daisy comes home from her morning and afternoon walks less coated with mud than has been the case recently which is a good thing. Normally, when she is caked with mud she receives a, no doubt, “refreshing” hose down. Over the past few days, the hose has been frozen so she has escaped that particular humiliation, much to her relief I’m sure.
Continue reading “22 January 2023”22 January 2023 – Amusements
Four years ago, I asked out the girl of my dreams for the first time. Today I asked her to marry me. She said ‘no’ both times.
Continue reading “22 January 2023 – Amusements”15 January 2023
Well, that week flew by in a hurry! And I, personally, have achieved almost nothing. Hey, ho.
Continue reading “15 January 2023”15 January 2023 – Amusements
A big city New York lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going into retrieve it.”
The old farmer replied. “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three Kick Rule.”
The lawyer asked, “What is the Texas Three Kick Rule?”
The farmer replied, “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.”
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer’s shin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick landed square on the man’s nose. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “Okay, you old coot, now it’s my turn!”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.”
Continue reading “15 January 2023 – Amusements”